My Self-Chosen “Wanderness”


I did it again…  I have taken my complete focus off of God.  I have allowed life’s stress, busyness, and distractions to alter my focus on God.  It is truly upsetting, the manner in which I allow life to overtake, my need to be in God’s word.  My time wandering in my personal sea of distraction, has lasted too long.  This cycle of life, without being in God’s presence, is overwhelming.  My daily responsibilities, being a wife, raising four wonderful children, earning my graduate degree, and now the added stress of a puppy, require abundant energy.  The life-size duties in my life, at times seems impossible to bear. When I am actively in God’s word, and pursuing intimate quiet time with Him, life’s responsibilities are amazingly smoother and more doable!

Here I am… falling at the feet of the Almighty God… admitting once again, “I am not strong enough!  I am weak and weary!  I can’t do it on my own!  I need God!”

Definition:  Wanderness- A self-imposed wilderness, due to one’s failure to be in continual communication with God, His Word, and resting in His presence.  Continually wandering through life’s struggles, without taking time to spend quality time with God.  

Dear Lord,  Once again you have sat back and observed my wandering.  You have observed me drowning in life’s struggles, heartbreaks, and stressors.  All along, you were heeding me to come… to seek… to tap into your unlimited power source.  You have observed me, seeking your strength…  just enough.  Just enough… to maintain enough strength to drag through life’s responsibilities.  Lord, forgive me!  Forgive me for wandering aimlessly in my self-chosen “wanderness”.  Lord, thank you for being there, for being ready to catch me when I fall!  When I finally come to the conclusion that “I Need Thee Every Hour!” Thank you for quickly plugging in your unlimited power source, into my weary soul!  For providing all the strength I need to conquer the tasks set before me!  With you Lord, I can live victoriously!  I realize that life without your steady presence in my life, is overwhelming, fearful, and tiring.  Be my strength, my source, and my comfort!  

Your daughter, 


Exodus 15:2 “The Lord is my strength and my song! He has become my salvation.”

Psalm 18:32 ” it is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.”

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!”


The Blessings… Right In Front of my Face

All too often… I take my focus off of God… My humanness is often bent on focusing on what I don’t have, what I want, what I think I need, and what will make me happy.

The product of discontentment is a direct result of taking my focus off of God and placing it on the world around me. The world leaves me yearning for a continual thirst for more… The world forces me to focus on “me”… my feelings, my needs, and my desires. This “me” mentality leaves me empty, unsatisfied, and stressed.

God offers me the contentment in life I so desperately desire… The contentment I spend so much of my life looking for in the world… Leaves me lacking peace and contentment. Finally, at the end of myself, I find God… His plan… His peace… His love.

When I continually focus on God… I learn that He truly meets my every need… Even at times, when it feels like He has somehow forgotten, forsaken, or abandoned me, I realize at the end of myself… He was there all along. In hindsight I always see His plan was perfect… Making the waiting and doubting… An obvious waste of effort, pain, and frustration.

In my doubt I all too often take my focus off of God… I fail to see the beauty around me. I fail to see the smiles on my loved one’s faces. I ignore God’s most special blessings… My loved ones…. My husband… My children.

I can focus so much on “my” problems… I miss the rainbows… hugs… sunshine… smiles… and Heaven’s daily dose of gentle hugs.

I forget God’s promise… “You shall not worry about what you shall eat. Does God not feed the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field… How much more does He love me… His beloved child… I shall not worry about tomorrow… Each day has enough trouble of it’s own!”

Today… I relinquished control of my life… I realized once again the danger in doubting… worrying… and stressing. At the end of myself… I handed the steering wheel of this crazy… frantic… worrying self back to the Creator of the universe. I stopped the searching… worrying… stressing. I took a long look around my world. You know what I found? The greatest blessings in my life, were right in front of me… My wonderful husband and children!

I am blessed!

I am grateful!

I will trust the One who has my path set out before me!

Maybe next time I go down this turbulent… stressful… wearisome path of myself… I will recognize the destructive path of “myself” earlier?








Be Joyful in Hope… Patient in Affliction… Faithful in Prayer


This morning, I would like to share with you a message God has been diligently teaching me. Life has thrown me some pretty rough curve balls over the past 8 weeks, actually over the past year.  I am nearing the end of earning my Master’s in Professional Counseling, as I have followed God in his calling over my life to counsel His sheep.  It seems the closer I get to my degree completion, Satan is working over time to hinder my progress.  I have been sick, my kids have been sick, my heart is been broken by rejection, my motivation is desperately lacking, doubt is at an all time high, and it seems nothing is running smoothly.  Several times I have succumbed to these feelings of discouragement.  I have cried tears of frustration, rejection, and heart brokenness.  I have struggled to find time to spend with my family, let alone complete assignments.  Although, the past several weeks have proven extremely exhausting in all realms, God has never left my side.  Even when I failed to make time to spend in His word, He has continued to listen to my prayers, and has remained faithful in my affliction.  I completed another course toward my degree and God has been guiding every step/move I make.

One thing life continues to teach me is… God never promised our lives would be easy.  He has promised to provide for our needs, comfort us, and guide our steps.  If I keep my heart attuned to God’s station, He will lead me, comfort me, and guide me to His perfect plan for my life.

I leave you with this verse… A verse that has guided me through the tumultuous path of recent discouragement.

Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be faithful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”

I pray this post encourages you in your discouragement and doubt.  And remember… God is always near to the broken and weary in spirit!!!

Blessings, Crystal