Letter to Catelyn

My sweet niece Catelyn, I can’t believe I will outlive you! This isn’t the way it was supposed to be! Soon God will call you home! Throughout much of your life I’ve comforted you, protected you, guided you, challenged you, and lead you to Jesus! Seeing you suffer these past four months, has been the most heart-wrenching experience of my life!

I know God is comforting your soul during this time and is preparing a room for you in Heaven!

You were my shadow when your were little and I was proud to have you with me! It was a pleasure to pick you up for church each week! I am thankful for the many precious weekend get togethers and the times you visited me once I was married! I am grateful for our many fun excursions! Although, I wish we could have shared many more special moments in this Earthly life! I thank God for the many moments we shared together!

After I found out on July 26 that you were hit by a car, it was like a place inside my heart was crushed and it competently shook my world! Walking downtown and getting the phone call, I questioned whether my feet could find their way back to my office. Those moments are a blur, I cried, I shouted, I cried out to God, and once back in my office I fell into my chair and bawled like a baby! The first month it took all my strength to function! You were everywhere! In every photo album, everywhere I turned memories piled on, and my heart ached! If it weren’t for Jesus, I wouldn’t have been able to endure the sadness! After the initial phone call, all my mind could see was the huge smile you wore at my wedding! You looked beautiful and I was so very proud of you! I am so glad you were my junior brides maid and it was so special to have you stand with me! I will always cherish this photo of the two of us! The smile on your face throughout the wedding will remain in my heart and mind all the days of my life!

Sometimes life doesn’t make sense and there will always be unanswered questions… I will trust in God and his plan! I will thank him for the memories! The hugs! The special connection we had!

I am will forever hold onto the way you looked deep into my eyes this week and tried your hardest to say “I love you, too!” You were unable to say what you wanted and I know it was frustrating, but you didn’t need to say anything! Your eyes and our souls communicated in a profound way! Everything our souls needed to say, was said! I will always thank God for the special moments that I had to see through the “unconscious” state, to your inner soul and to know that despite everything our special bond remains intact! A bond like ours… will never fade away!

Once my girl, forever my girl! Sweet Catelyn, God’s got you! Your not alone in this final trial! He’s ever present in this time of suffering, the end will be eternity in Heaven! Hang onto Jesus, dear one! He’s never left your side and he will be holding your hand and your heart on Earth until he holds you in Heaven!

My heart aches thinking of your soul leaving us here on Earth! But this is not about me, this is about what is best for you! I know you long for peace and have always longed for peace! This is your time my sweet niece… You will soon have peace for eternity! I will be with you one day and all things that were broken on Earth will be whole and wonderful in Heaven! Hang onto Jesus! He is the only answer to the heartache we face throughout our lives!

I love you!

Aunt Crystal


Sinner Saved By Grace

Wow!  When your up late praying about an overwhelming, stressful, and ultimately difficult situation.  You pray for God to lead you to answers and this video comes up!  Spoke right straight to my heart!   Pierced the very core of my heart and my wicked, sinful, and hurting flesh crumbled to the ground!  I can’t imagine living a life without Christ at the center!  Christ uses “whatever” means to speak truth to my heart and works to get my attention!  So thankful for this message of hardship, grace, & forgiveness!  

Suddenly, I don’t feel like such a “sound” Christian… I feel like a baby needing to be reminded of the most basic facets of the gospel!  Purpose for our difficulty & tension, forgiveness for others through the forgiveness we’ve received, and grace to be human and to allow others the grace to be human!  

To think… my problems today seemed so overwhelming and huge… then I watched this video and God surely got my attention!   Corrie Ten Boom a Hallacaust survivor is asked to forgive a soldier who tormented her almost to death and succeeded in killing her sister!  Yep, my struggle today was nothing!  Why, did I allow this struggle

to steal my joy?  Cause tightness in my chest?  Sabotage my peace?  Take my eyes off of Jesus?  Why, am I so weak?  Yet, other times, I feel so strong?  

“We like sheep have gone astray!”  After all these years of following Christ, why do I still  find myself wandering away from the truth I know?  Why???  Why do I fail to relax knowing God in in control, even when my husband tells me, “Relax, God is in control!”  

It’s because I’m human!  I’m a sinner, saved by grace!  I am not God!  

I now focus on getting my heart right with God!  Not allowing Satan to instill tremendous shame and guilt, but to allow God to teach, comfort, and guide me into his truth, understanding, grace, love, and forgiveness!  “Worldly sorrow brings death, Godly sorrow brings repentance, that leads to life abundantly!”  

Thank you God for loving me too much to keep me in a place of brokenness, forgive, and trust!