The Flame Within

Mother’s Day Feels Different This Year: A Mother and Grieving Daughter’s Reflection on Gratitude, Loss, Grief, and Grace

Mother’s Day has always been a sweet and sacred day in my life—a day to gather, hug tightly, share stories, and feel the warmth of family. This year Mother’s Day feels different, because it consists of several firsts. This is the first year I won’t have all four of my children with me on my special day. It is the first year I no longer have a mother living with me on this Earth, she passed away 10 months ago. I always called my mom on Mother’s Day and this year I won’t be able to hear her voice. I always think about my mother on Mother’s Day and this year the thinking process is quite different. It sounds a lot like grief, sadness, shock, and a reminder of how times change and people are not on this Earth forever.

As the day has progressed and now Mother’s Day is upon me, I realize my emotional state, a little somber with sadness sprinkled in. It makes sense to feel a mix of grief and sadness; And this would be the first thing I’d say to a client if they shared a similar experience. In fact, I’d tell them that if they weren’t a little sad, I’d be more concerned. Grief and sadness are a natural part of loss. This is life and it comes complete with a mixed bag of joy and pain.

This year, the table will be quieter, the phone calls fewer, and my heart will feel the ache of absence. This ache is painful, but I am reminded in the midst of my grieving of what a wonderful life I’ve been given. The gift of being a mom and being blessed with the most amazing four children; Four outstanding humans who are resilient, kind, fun, hilarious, entertaining, and loving. I am extremely grateful. I am blessed!

In the midst of this tender season, God’s faithfulness is my anchor. Even though, life is ever-changing, I am comforted knowing that God never changes. His love is steadfast and constant. He is an ever-present help in times of trouble and His presence is always with me.

Losing my mother has brought a depth to Mother’s Day I never anticipated. This first year without her has reminded me how deeply we can love and how deeply we grieve those we loved. I’m comforted by 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, which calls God “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” His comfort has been my steady companion. When I grieve those who’ve gone before, I have hope knowing my loved ones are no longer suffering, I know they are with Jesus, and they are in a place of perfect peace.

This year I’m realizing and learning how to manage Mother’s Day not having all my children together. I’m also reminded that this is only the beginning; as children are meant to grow up and move into the lives God has in store for them. As children grow, life naturally changes. They move away, build their own homes, and take on new responsibilities. While my heart will always long for them to be near, I will celebrate the fullness of their lives and the people they are becoming.

Mother’s Day, was once filled with the sound of little feet, homemade breakfasts I had to force myself to eat, and handmade cards. I cherish these memories, I’ve sure been blessed in this life. Mother’s Day will sometimes include texts, video calls, and memories from afar. It will be different this year, but it’s still love. The bonds we developed will be the glue that holds us together for the rest of our lives.

Motherhood is a holy gift, a gift from God. The sleepless nights, the messy kitchens, the heartfelt talks, the quiet moments, I cherish every moment and they are all precious. Psalm 127:3 reminds us that “children are a heritage from the Lord.” Even when we’re not physically together, the bond God created between mother and child endures. I wasn’t with my mom
when she passed onto her Heavenly home; but my spirit woke up the moment of her passing in the night and I knew she was gone. It was surreal and symbolic of the bond of mother and child.

This Mother’s Day, I’m choosing gratitude. Gratitude for every season I’ve had with my children. Gratitude for the mother who raised me and was in my life for 46 years. I choose gratitude for the moments—past and present—that remind me of God’s blessings.

We don’t know what tomorrow holds. That’s why “today” matters so much. Last Mother’s Day I didn’t know it would be my last year with my mom. I didn’t know we would move across the country and unable to be with our oldest son. So thankful I cherished last year’s Mother’s Day.

If this day is quiet for you, if someone is missing, if grief is sitting beside you, know that God sees you. Know that you are not alone! Mother’s Day is a wonderful and joyful time of celebration, but it often comes with mixed emotions of joy, gratitude, grief, excitement, sadness, longing, and sorrow.

If Mother’s Day is different, sad, or maybe a little lonely this year – Please remember, “He is near to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18) You are not alone!

Mother’s Day may look different this year, but I am reminded that the meaning has only deepened for me. It’s not about perfection, there’s no such thing as a perfect mother. It’s about presence—Being present in moments with those you love. It’s about God’s presence in our lives. It’s about our presence in the lives of those we love, however we show up.

On this Mother’s Day 2025, I honor all mothers. I hold space for the ones grieving and the ones rejoicing; I hold space for those somewhere in the midst of transition and change. I give thanks to God for the sacred gift of being a mom, it’s the greatest job and honor of my life.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Blessings, Crystal

When People Treat You Poorly / Managing Relationships

When people treat you poorly, it’s important to remember most of the time Its not about you. This is one of the most healing lessons I’ve learned in this life. Often, people’s behavior and reponses has far more to do with them—their pain, their unresolved wounds, and their worldview—than anything you said or did. If someone is quick to judge, lash out, criticize, get angry, ignore, or belittle, it’s important to remember: they likely treat others the same way. You are not the exception; you may just be the current target.

Several Points to Remember When Managing Relationships

1. The Fruit of the Spirit

The Bible teaches us that “The Fruit of the Spirit” is the only way to determine character. Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” True God-following people should behold these characteristics. We need to live a life of servanthood to Christ and a servant’s life always has the qualities of The Fruit of the Spirit.

2. Don’t Take It Personally

This doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it offers clairity and greater perspective. Taking things personally can lead us into unnecessary hurt, anger, confusion, and isolation. It warps our sense of self and can make us defensive, reactive, or even bitter. When we learn to detach from the offense and ask, “What’s going on inside of them?”… we can find peace—and often, even compassion. This is grace.

3. Remember “You Are Deeply Loved by our Loving Heavenly Father!”

One truth that anchors us in moments like this is the unfailing love of Jesus. He loves us unconditionally. His love is not based on our performance or the opinions of others. He will never leave us or forsake us. His love is constant, unshakable, and not swayed by our failures or by others’ treatment or view of us. He is always pleased with us as His children—not because we’re perfect, but because we belong to Him. When we truly embrace his unconditional love and positive regard, we stop looking to others for our worth. This concept is freeing.

4. We Ourselves Must Be Careful Not to Treat People Poorly

We often may find ourselves on the receiving end of hurtful behavior, which is challenging. However, If we fail to be intentional and kind to others, we can become the source of causing others pain. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to our words, actions, and behavior. We must pause and ask: Am I treating others the way I want to be treated? Am I carrying unhealed pain that’s causing me to push people away? In the psychology world we teach this as “self-reflection”. A saying I often heard in my training is “Counselor know thyself!” This is something I take seriously as a therapist, my lack of insight and understanding about myself can cause harm to those coming to me for help. It is vitally important to all relationships to have individual self-awareness in our reflections about ourselves.

So often, I’ve realized that a lack of close friendships isn’t necessarily about others rejecting me. It’s often about me unknowingly rejecting others. It’s worth doing the work on ourselves to have an honest, healthy view of who we are and how we relate to others. Emotional maturity requires humility and intentional self-awareness.

5. Learn to Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting appropriate boundaries is essential to all healthy relationships. Setting healthy boundaries is honoring the God-given dignity of both ourselves and others. As Christians, setting and respecting boundaries reflects love, wisdom, and mutual respect, allowing us to serve one another in truth without enabling harmful patterns or losing our God-centered identity. Boundary setting can often feel disrespectful, mean, or unkind; This is a lie from the enemy to keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships. Setting healthy boundaries is the kindest thing we can do for oursevles and those we care about.

6. Listen and Consider All Feedback

Feedback can be painful and it can sting when someone points something out in us we didn’t want to see in ourselves. Instead of becoming defensive or angry, we can choose to listen and pray. Ask God: “Is there truth in this? What do you want to show me?” Ask “wise” Christian family and friends who will be honest with you for their input. Note: Do not seek out those you know will just take your side to either keep the peace or because they like to gossip and themselves are not genuine. We all know the people who will tell us what we “need” to hear and those who will tell us what we “want” to hear. Hard feedback can be a gift when it helps us grow. True feedback helps us to become more wholesome and Christ-like people. Remember: Honest feedback is a gift.

• From the Therapy Room

As a therapist, I’ve seen this play out time and again. People bring who they are into every relationship—including the therapy room. Eventually, the way they interact with friends, coworkers, or family members will show up in how they interact with me.

Thus, it’s crucial for me to remember: This is not about me. Their reactions, their projections, their patterns—they’re part of their story, not mine. This provides me the counselor insight into how the people in their lives may be impacted in relationship with my client. My role is to model healthy communication, hold healthy boundaries, and respond with grace and clarity, while reflecting these characteristics to them in love. Many accept my reflections when I’ve been able to communicate them with love and respect for their well-being. Sadly, there are those who reject as a means of maintaining the dysfunctional pattern of “homeostasis” in their life, marriage, family, and environments.

“In family therapy, homeostasis refers to a family system’s tendency to maintain its existing patterns, behaviors, and interactions over time, even if those patterns are dysfunctional.”

Those who threaten this homeostasis is often viewed as the “bad guy”. This is one of the most difficult aspects of my job, as my heart is to help people, marriages, and family’s to heal.

• A Call to Growth

Whether you’re in therapy or just trying to grow as a person, know this: Your relationships reflect what’s going on inside of you. You can’t control how others act, but you can control how you respond. Jesus modeled love, patience, and boundaries. Let’s strive to do the same.

Because healing doesn’t just change how we see ourselves—it transforms how we treat others.

My prayer is that this message helps you to take a greater look at yourself and your relationships. Ask God to reveal areas where you have blind spots that may be hurting your relationships. Ask God to give you courage to start the process of setting healthy boundaries in areas that have caused continual pain. Ask Gos to send you friends who will speak the truth in love. Whatever the need, God will reveal areas that need healing. He is a good and loving God.

Blessings,

Crystal

There Are No Hopeless Situations — Only People Who’ve Grown Hopeless

Have you ever faced a moment or situation that felt completely overwhelming? In the midst of the trial found yourself feeling lost? Felt stuck in a dark place where light seemed void, and the enemy whispered, “This will never get better?”

You’re not alone.

Scripture gently—and powerfully—disrupts that despair. The Bible doesn’t sugarcoat suffering. It tells stories of prison cells, barren wombs, raging seas, lion’s dens, and crosses. Yet in each of these seemingly hopeless situations, God moves. Read that again… In the midst of trials… GOD MOVES!

Time and time again, God reveals this truth:

“There are no hopeless situations, only people who’ve grown hopeless.”

Hope Isn’t the Absence of Trouble — It’s the Presence of God in the midst of trials.

Even when he feels distant, he is always right there with us.

In 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, Paul writes:

“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself… But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”
Even Paul—who performed miracles, wrote Scripture, and knew Jesus—despaired. But the key lies in what that suffering produced: deeper reliance on a God who raises the dead. What could be more hopeless than death? Yet even death is not too far gone for resurrection.

The Valley Is Real. The valley is painful. The valley seems like it will last forever .

Yes, the valley’s are real. But, so is Jesus! Jesus is real. He understands the pain we feel in the valley. He cares about our suffering.

Psalm 23 acknowledges dark valleys. It doesn’t promise we’ll be void of pain on this Earth.

But it promises:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

The difference between despair and hope isn’t the absence of darkness. It’s the presence of God in the dark spaces.

Waiting Isn’t Wasting. Wow, read that again and let It sink in… WAITING ISN’T WASTING!

Abraham waited decades for a son. Joseph was sold, falsely accused, and imprisoned before becoming a leader in Egypt. David was anointed king, then hunted in caves for years.

To human eyes, these stories looked like failure. But heaven saw preparation. Jesus sees every trial as preparation. Amen!

Romans 4:18 says of Abraham:

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…”
It is possible to feel the weight of impossibility and still choose to believe.

Jesus Faced the Ultimate “Hopeless” Moment
At the cross, hope seemed dead—literally. His disciples scattered. The sky went dark. Death won.

Or so it seemed.

But three days later, the grave broke open, and everything changed.

If God can redeem the cross—the most unjust, brutal, hopeless event in history—then He can redeem your situation, too. It’s a promise from God, right from His word.

What to do when you’ve grown hopeless?

If you’ve lost hope, that doesn’t mean you’re broken beyond repair. It means you’re human. But it also means you need to look up. Look up and look for God in the valley.

Psalm 42:11 reminds us:

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him…”
“I will yet praise”—that’s the language of resurrection. Of comeback. Of enduring hope.

Final Thought
There may be no visible solution right now. But we don’t walk by sight. We walk by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7). And faith says: God is not done. Your story isn’t over. You may have grown hopeless—but your situation is never hopeless when God is involved.

Today, in your painful trial… Take heart. Take one small step of faith. Whisper a prayer even if it’s weak. Trust that in the hands of a resurrecting God, no situation is ever hopeless. No trial lasts forever!

Blessings, Crystal

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace, those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”

One of the areas I need constant discipline and intentional focus is rest. Rest should be easy… I mean it’s “REST”, it’s relaxation, it’s calming, and rejuvenating. Yet, as for myself, obtaining sufficent rest remains one of the most impossible feats. I find establishing rest is not popular and the busy cycle of life continually wins. Rest seems to be fought hard against by my own flesh, my schedule, external circumstances, people around me, and the world at large. The enemy fights hard against rest because he knows that rest pulls us closer to God, is healing, and gives us the ingredients to victory. All of which the ruler of evil in this world loves and desires.

The times in my life when I feel overwhelmed, lacking in peace, and struggling with other areas of discipline (eating healthy, exercising, reading my Bible, spending quality time with my family members, keeping the house orderly, remembering to take vitamins and adequately caring for my body); God gently reminds me of the importance of rest. The older I get, the more rest my mind, body, and spirit require. The older I get, the longer it takes my body to recover from periods of insufficient rest. [This is quite frustrating. Getting older is also something we fight against.] Interesting.

Perhaps, it’s all a part of living in a fallen and broken world?

Without rest it is impossible to hear from God. Without rest it is impossible to seek God. Without rest it is impossible for our mind, body, and souls to rejuvenate and heal.

Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.”

Today, I am making an intentional effort to rest. Because, my mind, body, and spirit is communicating its desperate need for true rest and the stillness of God.

How about you? How can you take a moment today or this week to “intentionally rest”? A gentle walk, sitting on the back porch with a book, going to bed early, or sitting in a quiet room with gentle music. Rest doesn’t have to be big or expensive; In fact, the best rest is free, inexpensive, easily attainable. Rest requires discipline, intentional focus, and setting boundaries; That’s the hardest part of rest.

Take a moment to pray and ask God to help you to rest in Him today.

In quiet prayer and meditation the Lord speaks, we need only to provide the environment of serenity to hear His voice.

Blessings,

Crystal

2 Peter 1:5-9

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”

These verses are quite informative, directive, and filled with profound wisdom. Let’s break it down…

—— KEYS TO INTENTIONAL FAITH WALK and RELATIONSHIPS ——

Make every effort to add to…

1. Your faith goodness.
2. Goodness to knowledge.
3. Knowledge to Self-control.
4. SelfControl to perseverance.
5. Perseverance to Godliness.
6. Goodness to Mutual Affection.
7. Mutual affection to LOVE.

WOW! Think about how your life would change if we implemented these verses into our lives. Think about how it would impact your marriage, your relationship with children, friends, and the community at large.

Most importantly, think about how your relationship with God would grow in closeness and passion.

One of the aspects of my counseling that saddens me is the way many have believed that strong faith is for more “Godly” people. It’s true and I’ve heard it many times. Satan convinces people that strong faith is for others, but truly believe they are unable to acheive devout love and devotion to and from God.

Friends, this is a lie from the enemy. Faith is a gift to all… God desires to have a close relationship with each one of His children (You & I)… IT IS FREE!

Here’s the truth… Most of those who tell me they believe this lie from the enemy are usually placing little effort into their walk with the Lord. People want a strong faith and a close relationship with the Lord, but rarely pray, read the Bible, attend Christ-centered activities such as church, Bible study, seek God-fearing relationships and mentors, and (or) find a Christian counselor when feeling stuck.

It’s so easy to remain immersed in the world…. This is our fleshly instinct..

Watching movies that feed darkness or worldly ideals. Play video games that are dark and addictive. Sit for hours scrolling and scrolling through reels. Spend time with people who are not believers and do not live for the Lord. Even, countless hours being immersed in political videos, podcasts, and articles.

You see, when we set our eyes on Jesus; He perfects our faith. When our faith is perfected we feel close to the Lord and have a great sense of purpose and meaning.

Same with our marriages… To maintain a healthy marriage the same ingredients are essential. Intentional focus, growth, increasing in knowledge & understanding, and persuing your spouse.

Same with all relationships; Relationships with children, parents, friends, etc. Relationships require intentional effort, listening, and making the people in your life a focus.

Read these profound keys to life and relationships again…

Make every effort to add to…

1. Your faith goodness.
2. Goodness to knowledge.
3. Knowledge to Self-control.
4. SelfControl to perseverance.
5. Perseverance to Godliness.
6. Goodness to Mutual Affection.
7. Mutual affection to LOVE.

How will this truth alter the way you live your life today? Alter the way you spend time with Jesus? Alter the way you interact with your spouse, children, friends, etc?

• Pray about this and commit to implementing these keys for intentional living into your life today. Asking God what changes you need to make today. You are a child of God andd He Is waiting for you to seek Him wholeheartedly .

Blessings,
Crystal

Walking at the beach this afternoon and noticing my spirit feeling down. In fact, I’ve observed this in my spirit the past several days. I’ve noticed its presence, but have found it difficult to place my finger on the exact cause;

Could it be discouragement from being sick for several week’s? Having a sick teenager, who doesn’t like to rest? Could it be the current political tension and fears in our world? Could it be a good friend’s daughter has been in the ICU? Could it be that Hurricane Helene has caused mass levels of pain, distraction, and suffering? Could it be I miss my oldest child, as this is the longest I’ve not seen him in over 22 years? Could it be work and I feel I’ve not been able to accomplish the goals I’ve set before myself and feel like I don’t have the energy or time to do so? Could it be I’m still very much grieving; Loss of my mother, my dear friend Barbara, and my sweet uncle all since June, 2024.

Well… It’s probably “all of the above”.

Writing our struggles out in some form helps us better see, process, and make sense of our inner battle. This is a tactic I assign to clients on a regular basis.

Life is hard and trials come one after another and oftentimes at expedited rates; causing our spirits to struggle to keep up. Reminds me of a profound trust Jesus reminded us when “he too” walked the same earth and endured the same heartaches as each one of us. “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Friends, life is hard and it is okay to have a down day, even several down days. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s even okay to feel anxiety and fear; after all Jesus himself endured all these emotions. Thakfully, he modeled for us what to do when we are struggling with life’s heart aches? He taught us to run to the Father in prayer; to run to God with our honest hurts, fears, and pain. He taught us how to run to our very own garden of Gethsemane; our closets, the woods, walk in our neighborhood, our offices, living rooms, and for me lately it’s been the beach.

Friends, It’s in our own garden of Gethsemane we find God’s all surpassing peace, strength, and comfort. This is where we find our courage to face the next battle or trial on the journey of life. I am thankful that I’ve learned that Jesus is always there to quiet my weary soul and lift my spirit to the “only hope” on this planet.

What about you? Are you feeling worried? Anxious? Sad? Discouraged? Where is your Garden of Gethsemane? Have you taken time to visit with God in the garden? This is your invitation to seek God and he will be near to you… He will turn his face toward you.

As I write this, a hymn is playing in my heart and soul… “In The Garden”. Here’s the lyrics and a link to one of my favorite versions.

In The Garden

1 I come to the garden alone,
While the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear,
The Son of God discloses.
Refrain:
And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own,
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.
2 He speaks, and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing;
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing. [Refrain]
3 I’d stay in the garden with Him
Tho’ the night around me be falling;
But He bids me go; thro’ the voice of woe,
His voice to me is calling. [Refrain]

I pray you make time to visit with God in your special and very own Garden.

Blessings, Crystal

One of the things that fascinate me most about the ocean… is its absolute vastness! It’s huge and the next land mass is a thousand miles or more. The ocean is huge! The sea reminds me of our individual lives. Everyday we deal with the everyday activities and stressors of life, like the waves crashing into the shore. Further out are the rolling waves and the farthest we can see with our eyes is flatness. Looking out, the last thing I see is a flat line… only a waterline and the sky.

However, further out into the sea there happen to be several tropical depesssions, one is Hurricane Francine and another developing storm is forming. Yet, we only know this because of the good weather change and the news, which keep us informed of impending tropical concerns.

In life we always have present day activities looming and concerns, the only difference is that we don’t have the weather channel to inform us of what is coming. Thankfully we have the Bible to teach us and model for us how to prepare for the storms of life and how to manage them when they come upon us.

During the calm everyday activities we should be resting up, preparing, and enjoying the calm and happy moments in life. Yet, most of us grow increasingly anxious about what we can’t see… We often just “wait for the next shoe to drop”.

As a counselor, I see this pattern of anxiety and dread in nearly everyone I see in the office. It’s a normal aspect of life… it impacts all of us to some degree. Anxiety is one of the most difficult disorders and it can drastically and negatively impact our overall quality of life. Anxiety is fears about “real” threats, not a lack of reality. The truth is life has many real fears and none of us are immune to life’s trials. There is a healthy and more efficient way to handle the anxiety and impending storms of our lives.

As I look out into the depths of the sea, I am reminded through the modeling of the sea… To enjoy the present, pray about our real life concerns, and give God the future. We don’t know what storms are looming on the horizon, but we can rest knowing that God does. We can enjoy the break and rest in Him. Rather, than worrying and dreading about what’s over the horizon. Therefore, when the big storms come, we’re more rested and equipped to handle them. Why? Because, we’ve adequately prepared our hearts, minds, and souls for the storms of life.

This is God’s way… He always prepares us for the next trial, if we trust Him with all our heart, mind, body and soul.

We will be okay… God is our captain and knows the sea… He knows it perfectly. Afterall, he created the ocean.

Friends, enjoy the present day activities and hold fast to him in the storms. Live for God!

Mark 35-41

“That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Blessings,

Crystal