The Flame Within

Yesterday, I had the honor of attending the Indiana University football game, as a guest of my husband.  Every year the business school invites all staff and faculty to attend a gathering in a special banquet room, which exits onto the football field.  I had a great time, for several reasons.  The first reason is at the top of every woman’s list, free time alone with the man I love.  Secondly, it’s a rare opportunity I have to communicate with his coworkers, and come alongside him, as his other half.  Third, I love Indiana University sports, and although I prefer watching basketball, I’ll take a free ticket to watch an I.U., game any day.

I couldn’t help but think, “Will this be the last time I see these people?”  Currently staying at I.U. next year is not in our cards, and we’re awaiting multiple responses to applications, all over the United States.  Let me just say, “I despise goodbye’s!”  I have a social personality, and I like the people he works with.  I found myself asking several people, “Will this be the last time I see you?”  Their responses was almost comical, “Uh… what… why?”  Needless, to say it was a bittersweet evening.  The knowledge that this is most likely goodbye, without a goodbye, was a strange feeling.  To my recollection his coworkers like us, even care for us.  I know they don’t want to see us go, but there’s one problem, there’s no job.

Robert and I walked 20 minutes back to the car, as we walked away from the football stadium, the loud and crazy students, and the little kids dressed in red and white, I realized, “I love this place!”  I love the environment, I love the excitement of the students (although at times too crazy), and I love the pride of those supporting Indiana University.  I love being a part of Indiana University, it feels more like a subdivision, and less like a place of work.  Like a place you live, rather than a place you “have to be”.  This recollection is funny, as I recall 12 years ago, marrying my husband, and moving to Bloomington for the first time.  Moving away from my home of 22 years, and everything I’d ever known, and stepped out in faith.  I remember feeling scared, overwhelmed, and out of my comfort zone.  I remember thinking, “this is not my home, this will never be my home, and wow… I really want to go home.”  As I walked next to Robert, we chatted, and I thought to myself, “When did this over-sized university become my home?”

Lately, the thought of our impending departure, to an unknown destination has been crowing my mind.  Maintaining my focus, has proven a difficult task.  However, I know one thing for certain, “God loves me and my family.  He truly has our best interest at heart.  If he wants us to stay at I.U., He can and will make a job for him.  If he has a job picked out for us in Timbuktu, then He will be there guiding us every step of the way.  Who knows, Timbuktu may become the most amazing home, yet.  The mystery of God’s plans, draws me closer to Him.  Reveals my need for a Savior.  I know He has a perfect plan for us.  I can’t comprehend His unknown plan, just like I couldn’t comprehend as a new bride referring to Bloomington as home.  All we can see is the present, we can plan for the future, and we can develop faith from the past.  He’s perfecting my faith today, as I remember his faithfulness in the past.

What about you, my readers… my friends?  Are you struggling with God’s unknown mystery today?  An impending move… the uncertainty of a loved one… a financial crisis… the fear of the future?  How will you respond?  Will you grow bitter?  Will you stress, and make yourself sick?  Will you hold on ever so tightly, refusing to allow God to show you, your new “home”?  O

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for you to prosper and never to harm you.”  Will you… like me… trust Him, and the unknown mystery he awaits for you?