The Flame Within

Emotions…  

They can certainly be relentless.  

Emotions can wreak havoc on our outlook on life, these nasty feelings maintain the potential to ruin an otherwise wonderful day, and unfortunately are detrimental to our relationships.  

What are we supposed to do with these inner struggles?  

It seems to me we’re all bipolar to some extent.  Personally, I tend to be a fairly positive and happy person, however, my emotions at times can get the best of me, actually get the best of me all too often.  To be honest, my heart is breaking due to relationships that have been hurt due to my emotions.  I wish life could be a bit simpler!  I wish emotions could be more easily managed!  I wish we all could give each other the benefit of the doubt, knowing that we are all victims to our own emotions!  Yet, we put up our defenses, we’re afraid we may get hurt.  We hold onto grudges, rather than relaxing into forgiveness.  

We allow temporary relationship struggles to taint our overall picture.  We have a few struggles and sadly we’re all to ready to throw away a beautiful relationship.  So tonight, I’m sad!  My emotion of the evening is utter sadness!  I’m grieving, what feels like, the loss of a very dear relationship.  I took a risk and shared my emotions and as a result, I am grieving the loss of a person very special to me.  We are (I am) so self-centered by nature…  My feelings have been hurt… true.  Yet, how does the other person feel?  Do we ever “actually” think about how our actions affect another.  

You know… ?  I am quite self-centered!  I hate this about me…  I despise my self-centered nature. I long to love like Christ!  Tonight, I fully identify with Paul… Why do I do the very thing, I hate?

Today my emotions have been working over time… trying their hardest to get the best of me.  In the midst of my emotions I continue being a wife, mother, and friend.  Throughout the day I have tried to put my emotions on the back burner and continue on with life.  It’s past midnight and here I sit, feeling the all familiar pang of heartache.  Questioning my motives, my life, my relationships, and wondering why life has to be so tough at times.  

None of us are perfect, yet, we expect perfection from everyone else.  We “ALL” experience pain, frustration, and we have “ALL” acted imperfect and have made many mistakes.  Why can’t we allow people to be human?  Why can’t I allow people to be human?  Why can’t I allow myself to be human?

So, tonight…  I will feel the emotions.  God has allowed us (me) to experience these feelings.  There will be times of sadness…  There will be times of joy.  Tonight is a sad night.  It’s okay…  I’m glad that joy comes in the morning!  I know God has given us emotional pain to allow us to gage when something is awry…  a lingering sin… a broken relationship… or grief from the loss of someone very special to us.

You know…  I know from first-hand experience, that we don’t know how special someone is to us, until we have faced the heartache of losing one so dear.  

Tonight, I pray…  Lord, forgive me where I have fallen short of extending your grace and mercy to those around me.  Lord, use this heartbreak to train my heart to be more like your Son, to be more loving, less judgmental, and certainly less me-focused.  Lord, comfort!  Guide me into an avenue of ultimate peace and healing!  Help me to love like you!  Help me to know when to stand up and when to sit down!  Lord, thank you for your promise that although pain may endure for the night… Joy cometh in the morning!