The Flame Within

Am I the only woman in the world  whose felt “disliked” at times?   I’m being honest here, I need to know…  Am I the only woman who struggles with concerns of whether people like me?

The only girl who’s felt less than, in a world focused on popularity, beauty, and perfection?

A woman in the community, a woman in the church, a mother, a family member, and the wife of a hardworking man.

As much as I admit it, there are times this fear of being disliked, causes me considerable distress.  I try my best to be liked, to please everyone, to be this amazing, popular, loved, and perfect woman.  Yet, my efforts seem fruitless!  I’m simply chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 1:14 “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

This aspiring for perfection thing, is simply leaving me feeling inadequate and less than.  I when I stop to really think about my inadequacies, my efforts prove futile.  Simply because, I am not perfect.  I wasn’t created to be perfect!  God created me, knowing I wasn’t going to be perfect, knowing I would fail, and at times I fail miserably.  I’m pretty sure he also knew I’d often times feel less than.  Could he have allowed these feelings?  As a means of ensuring I’d fully understand that he alone is able to fully understand and comfort my heart?  

Am I the only woman who fails to achieve the goals set before me?  The only person who goes to bed after a long day, questioning whether I made those around me happy?  Whether I made a difference in someone’s life?  Whether I built or hurt relationships? Whether my children went to bed feeling loved and cherished?  Whether my husband felt respected and loved?  Whether the women in my church and community call me friend?

All these emotions!  All these expectations!  All these fears!

I start each day rolling out of bed, a morning person, I am not.  I wake my four children and begin the familiar process of getting them ready for school.  During our morning routines, on most days, my children are not happy with me!  They hate it when I wake them from their warm beds, they yell, “No!  I am tired, you’re making me miserable!  Why do you have to do this to me?”  This grumbling often continues until I kiss their foreheads, as they walk onto the bus.  Again, disliked!  Like all husbands and wives, we have our moment’s when we get on each other’s nerves, and fail to meet the other’s expectations.  Again, disliked!  Standing at the check out line, an old man in front gives me a dirty look, apparently not thrilled with the fact I decided to have children.  I walk into the church, notice women chatting and laughing in groups all around me, and at times I feel left out.  Again, disliked!  The hardest days, are the days when I feel disliked by God.  When prayers, go unanswered.  Desires of my heart, withheld.  Pain within my heart, remains.  Again, disliked!

In my heart, I try to hold it together!  I read the scriptures, I read mommy blogs, I read better yourself books, and I pray. On most days, I handle life’s challenges quite well!  Yet, I have days when I struggle!  I allow myself to wallow in my pain for a period of time, until the ache becomes more than I can tolerate. God whispers into my heart, “Stop, listening to lies from the Devil!  Start, listening to me!  Tell me how you’re feeling!”

When life’s difficulties seem unbearable, I cry out to the Father!  As God speaks into my soul, I feel pain’s tightened grip, release.  The hovering gray cloud above my head, offers a glimpse of light.  Satan’s lie, telling me I’m  disliked slowly fades away.  This lie that began the entire debacle, is met by God himself!  Suddenly, the truth of God’s love for his daughter, prevails!

Trust me, I am well aware that there will be and are people in my life who dislike me. People, who may never like me, regardless of my efforts.  I realize, there will continue to be days when my children dislike me!  Days when my beloved husband dislikes me! Days when ladies within my community and at my church dislike me.

Hearing the still small voice of God within my soul, changes my heart, offers me a fresh perspective.  The heaviness within my heart is filled with love, peace, and comfort.

Suddenly, the fear of whether this world likes me, is no longer a concern.

I know that I am truly loved and liked, by the most amazing person who ever walked this Earth, Jesus.  I am loved by the creator of this world!

My heart is at peace!

You see, in my pain, in my wandering…  I was reminded of the truth, I am not the only person who’s walked this earth who’s felt disliked, unloved, and unappreciated!

Jesus, God’s son, experienced the same hurt!  He understands my pain, because he personally felt the world’s agony and rejection.  Isaiah 53:3 “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”

If the only perfect man who ever walked the soil of this earth, was despised, rejected, and held in low esteem; than my efforts to be well-liked by this world are certainly fruitless!

I no longer care about the popularity of the world!

I care about pleasing God!

I determine to spend time getting to know the only one who can sustain my soul.

My Heavenly Father!