The Flame Within

Yesterday I came across an article titled “10 Signs Your Husband Really Loves You”.  I am a sentimental softy by nature and these articles snag me every time.  I eagerly anticipated reading the article, with the hope that all 10 signs would fit into our marriage.  Much to my disappointment, only about 50% of the 10 signs fell into the category of “how my husband shows me that he loves me”.  Let me be real and honest with you for a minute, I was not sad or upset in the least.  I was not upset with the outcome, because I know 100% that my husband loves me, and I don’t need an article to prove it.  My husband, has proven himself to be continually loving over the past 17 years of our marriage.  Due to my astonishment over the article, {or maybe just to prove a point}, I decided to write my own… “Top Ten Signs That My Husband Loves Me”.  

Without further ado…

1. He is faithful to God.

I fell in love with my husband because of his commitment to serving God!  We committed our dating relationship and our marriage to God!  The two of us have wavered in our faith at times and doubted God’s presence from time to time, but God has never let us down.  The two of us have hurt one another’s feelings, we’ve angered each other to the very core, we’ve been selfish; Through it all our commitment to God was the glue that held us together and continues to hold us together today.  In the midst of joy, pain, and sorrow… my amazing husband remained faithful to God.  He’s shown me love every time, he’s stood up to be the spiritual leader in our home. 

2. He is faithful to me.

Seventeen years ago, I walked down the aisle toward the man I would spend the rest of my life with.   That beautiful and exciting moment is forever ingrained in my memory.  I recall easily the joy and hope I felt as I walked toward my “soon to be” husband. As excited and certain as I was on that warm June evening, I honestly had very little understanding of the vow I would soon take to God, my future husband, my future children, and our friends and family.  Much to my amazement the disagreements and quarrels began as early as our honey moon {I was married to an only child after all}, and seemed to intensify over the next couple of years.  Don’t get me wrong we’ve shared countless moments of romance, joy, and fun; But marriage was much, much, much harder than either of us anticipated.  However, this man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, stayed!  He stayed!  Through all the tears, trials, and disagreements… He stayed by my side! 

 3.  He is teachable!

My husband shows me love by having a teachable spirit.  {Perfect, no! Teachable, absolutely!}  The two of us met at a Christian camp at the age of 16, married at 21, and {literally} grew up together.  We’ve watched one another mature spiritually, emotionally, and physically through several major life phases.  One thing I know about this man is, he has a teachable spirit!  Through all the trials and difficulties we’ve endured as believers in Christ, as a couple, as parents, and as people. This man loved me enough to humble himself and allow God to teach him how to become the husband I needed him to be… If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

4. He is comforting when I’m upset!

Probably, the most outward sign that my husband uses to show his love to me, is that he is always there for me, especially when I’m sad.  He is the first place I want to run when I’ve encountered hurt on this Earth.  I recall several years ago when a friend betrayed me and after a very difficult phone conversation, I walked into his office with a pain so deep, raw, and intense and literally fell into his arms bawling.  He didn’t ask me to talk, or try to talk me out of my pain, or tell me I was overreacting.  He held me and let me cry!  The man’s shirt was soaked from the endless tears that fell from my eyes that evening.  He held me during the worst of the pain and held me until my heart began to heal.   It’s a moment ingrained on my heart forever!  I am not at all thankful for the reason for the tears, but I’m forever grateful for the compassion I received from my dear husband.  Another time I recall, was last spring when I found out my mother had cancer.  I called him bawling, but wordless, as there seemed to be no words to describe the pain I felt.  From past experiences, he knows this “silence” means extreme hurt and pain.   He doesn’t immediately try to fix my pain or offer problem solving tactics, he holds me and allows me to cry.  How do I know my husband loves me?  He cares about my feelings, holds me when I’m upset, and let’s me cry on his shoulder.

5. He accepts me for who I am.

This may come as a surprise to ya’ll, but I am not perfect!  I am guilty of losing my temper from time to time, I become overly emotional, and obsess about unimportant life circumstances.  Despite my imperfections my husband allows me to be human, to make mistakes, and never holds an itemized list of all my faults.  He accepts me warts and all!  This aspect of our marriage has been freeing and one of the things I am most thankful for.   He loves me despite extra weight gained, bad hair days, and the many signs of aging cropping up as I approach the age of fourty.  Growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive home, I never experienced the pleasure of being unconditionally loved and accepted!  His unconditional acceptance has allowed me to develop a greater sense of identity in myself and the freedom to become the woman God desires me to be.  I am truly thankful!

6. He makes me laugh.

The man I married has a “different” sense of humor.  It’s intelligent, logical, and witty; over the years I’ve grown quite accustomed to his unique humor .  It’s the kind of humor in which you have to listen and pay attention to fully comprehend, but he’s hilarious.  One thing I love most about him is his positive outlook on life.  He doesn’t look at life through a purely serious lens, but is able to crack jokes and have fun.  

Several months ago I was having a terrible day, another day when I was my own worst enemy.  As I vented to him about my inadequate feelings, “I am not a good mother!  I am not a good wife!  I am not a good counselor! blah blah blah!”  He suddenly got very quiet and began looking up a song on YouTube, suddenly his phone started playing Linda Ronstadt’s “You’re no good!  You’re no good!  You’re no good!  Baby, you’re no good!”  He could have spent hours speaking truth into my insecure spirit, but he knew in this particular moment that “laughter was the best medicine”!  The two of us started laughing hysterically!  Suddenly, Satan’s defeating thoughts were no longer defeating!  I felt loved, understood, and thankful for the gift of the most amazing husband.

7. He does “little”things to remind me of his love.

On one hand I wouldn’t refer to my husband as a ‘hopeless romantic”, but I would refer to him as romantic.  He’s not cheesy in his approach, even though at times this girl likes {cheesy}, but he shows his love in unique ways true to his character.  Little text messages, doing laundry, conquering household tasks, bringing me a cup of coffee, and creative gift giving.  The past seven years have been a challenging and wonderful course in learning his primary way of speaking love and it’s wonderful.

8.  He spends time with me.

He is my best friend and is always happy for the opportunity to spend time with me.  Actually, he is always beckoning me in a “loving” way to slow down, to sit, talk, and have a cup of coffee with him.  Regardless of how busy or stressed out he is with work or life, he schedules time to spend with his wife.  We go to dinner together and talk, we really talk.  We enjoy spending time talking and laughing together.  We can talk for hours, about anything and everything!  I cherish our talks and especially our coffee dates! I love, that he loves spending time with me.  

9. He takes care of me.

Since we’ve been married, I’ve always been the more sickly partner in our marriage.  He is healthy, strong, and rarely gets sick.  He has always been my strong rock and stability. Together we’ve had four children and with the birth of each child, he took care of me and our newborns.  In addition, I’ve broken my foot while pregnant, endured several surgeries, and seem to catch every illness brought into the house from my children. Yet, he never {okay, I take pride in honesty on this blog}, he rarely complains!  He is a caring and compassionate man; I am truly thankful!

10.  He Holds me Accountable in Love.

I know what your thinking; Really, you love this?  Let me explain, I am a counselor by vocation and have encountered countless women over the years, who’ve run the household, their husband, their children, and anything and everything allowed.  In my life, I’ve seen firsthand the damage this paradigm creates in marriages, families, churches, and in the community.   I am probably, most in love with my husband for this very reason, he holds me accountable {in love}.  Certainly, being called out on poor behavior, dysfunctional thinking, or over spending has the tendency to frustrate me at times.  The Holy Spirit living within my heart, gently reminds me that my husband is speaking truth.  Suddenly, the anger disappears and I relent, apologize, or pray for further guidance. The manner in which he holds me accountable is loving, kind, & gentle; And intended for the well-being of our family. I am able to take his occasional criticisms, because I know he loves me and has proven faithful and loving over the years.  God is using him to help me grow into the woman he desires and I’m truly thankful!  

In the same manner, my husband allows me to hold him accountable.  I believe that this aspect of our marriage, along with our commitment to serving God together, is the greatest cause of any success you see in our marriage.  

My husband is great!  Please don’t walk away from this blog post thinking, “Oh, her husband is perfect!  Her marriage is perfect!”  My husband is not perfect!  Our marriage is not perfect!  I could just as easily list his faults, but I’ve determined to focus on his strengths, rather than his imperfections.  What a wonderful difference altering my thought processes have made on the wellbeing of our marriage.   It’s all a matter of perspective and accepting the entire man, has given him freedom to grow and mature into the Godly husband and father he is today!  After all, I am not perfect and I can be difficult!  My husband and I’s marriage is not perfect, but it is beautiful, wonderful, & safe!  The only thing perfect in our home is God!  This is the key ingredient to “happily ever after”!