The Flame Within

I have a tremendous tendency to be fearful… To live with anxious anticipation of the future! I haven’t always been a fear or panic driven individual… Actually, that’s not entirely true! I have always been overly cautious and struggle to fully live in the present moment. But, the level of fear of the unknown has grown tremendously over the past several years. Is it a part of getting older and realizing I’m not invisible? Is it seeing how quickly life passes before your eyes, causing a fear of blinking? Is it a weakened faith? Is it hormones? I’m not sure of the cause… I do know it’s always been a part of my story, and recently feels more overwhelming! The Lord continues to teach me lessons about trusting in Him fully! He continues to comfort me, even when I lose sight of His protection and grace. He continues to bless me, even though I wander like a bewildered sheep; Even though I so easily lose my focus and succumb to fear.

The Conronavirus has definitely threatened this fear response! Part of me refuses to succumb to fear… I know God is in control and our days are already numbered, despite the virus that is wrapping around the globe. There is another part of me that sees the hysteria, the empty shelves, the cancelled schools and events worldwide, the numerous Facebook Posts and news articles, and it threatens my ability to feel joy. With all these avenues of concern bombarding next left and right, I can easily get internally trapped in the mass hysteria. To the point if feeling fear and dread, about running out of toilet paper. I have never been afraid of running out of toilet paper; The response, came from those around me frantically emptying the shelves of every square of toilet paper on the shelves. Toilet paper has gone from an easily disposable commodity, to me telling my family to use it sparingly!

Every time I turn around there’s more news, information, or people talking about this virus. I know it’s scary! I feel it! I have decided to live cautiously, wash my hands, be smart, and teach my kids the same! I’ve also decided I am not going to refuse to live! I’m going to live, love, and look forward to the future! I refuse to allow Satan to steal my peace! I’m going to trust God! “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul. In all my ways acknowledge him and He will direct your paths!” Proverbs 3:5&6.

I’m an empath and feel EVERYTHING very deeply. This Coronavirus has “absolutely” been no exception. Every since it hit China, I felt the struggle of those suffering, often drawn to tears by watching the news. As it’s moved around the globe, my heart has ached over the news stories and posts of friends from abroad. My heart aches for the most vulnerable, those who have been quarantined and stuck away from home, those who have fallen ill to the virus, and those who are being indirectly impacted by the virus. When anyone hurts, I hurt alongside them! It’s a part of being an empath and having a sensitive spirit to the needs of others. Yes, it’s exhausting! Sometimes, I want to have a tougher skin and be more able to let things roll off my back. I must remember, this sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others is a gift! A heart like Christ’s… Pretty sure Jesus was an empath and felt the needs of His beloved, even more than I do!

For now, I am going to focus on keeping my heart, mind, and soul focused on Jesus! When I feel overcome with fear, I will take it to the cross! When those I love become ill, I will pray and be the hands and feet of Jesus! If I get sick, I will know that God will use it for good in His perfect timing! I trust he’s got a plan and I know this virus does not surprise Him! He’s prepared! He’s in control! He’s holding each and everyone of us in His hands!

Blessings, Crystal