The Flame Within

Grasping my fingers… her wobbly little legs… slowly achieve the new status of “walker”.

She loves the outdoors… and I love watching the pleasure written all over her face, as she observes God’s creation.  The trees… the sky… the bouncy clouds… the grass… the tiny ants… everything is new… and amazing… to her eyes.

Arching over to walk alongside her tiny little body, she holds onto my fingers for balance.

She needs me… in every way… she needs her mommy.

Delighting in the moment… cherishing my little girl.  I fast forward my thoughts into her future.

Today… I hold her itty bitty hand in mine.

Tomorrow… I will nervously watch in anticipation as she disappear’s into her kindergarten room.

And before I know it… I will be the mommy, left sobbing in the car… as she disappear’s into a world of higher education… a world enriching her with experiences… and revealing to her heart… who she is… and the woman she will become.

As hard as I try… I can’t stop the day’s from flipping through the calender.  I can’t conserve her youth.  I can’t control time.

I can… enjoy today.  I can… make mental video’s on my heart.  I can…. engrave her sweet smile onto the impression of my soul.  I can teach her… support her… and walk alongside her into her future.

Dear Readers,

We’re busy mom’s, busy dad’s, and outright busy people.  We have agenda’s, and appointments vying for our time and attention.  Time… and life can’t be stopped.  However, we can ensure our time with our little ones is “quality time”.  When we are playing with them outside, when we are feeding them dinner, when we are playing in the playroom, we can “be there”.  Be there, and impart into our “forever” memories, these special moments, and cherish their youth.  For tomorrow… they too… like us… will be moms… dads…. preachers… teachers… missionaries…  they will be the next generation of adults.

My four year old and I standing on the side of the road, looking into a fresh green, flowery and beautifully decorated meadow.  The fresh, fall, cool breeze blowing into our faces.

“Daniel, look out there?  Do you see the tall blades of grass, blowing God’s love to us?”  To my surprise, he has a serious look of amazement streaming across his tiny little face.  He responds in a serious tone for a child so few years, “I see mommy!”

God’s love permeates throughout my entire being, and I ponder my desire for this little boy, to know and truly comprehend the depth of God’s love.

Upon reflection, I turn… face the wind… and put my arms out like a bird.  “Can you feel God’s love?  Put your arms out little one, and feel the cool, gentle breeze.”

My sweet boy, lifts his arms to Heaven  and faces the wind.  The sweetest, most adorable, and refreshing grin washes over his face.

“I feel it Momma!”

I lean over, bending down, I look into his little eyes, as I cup his chin with my motherly hands.  “Daniel, God loves you, so much!  He made the beauty in this meadow, he made mommy, daddy, he made you, he made us all, and he made everything.  He so loves you, handsome boy, and I want you to know that, okay?”

He looks into my eyes, and responds in the softest voice, “I know mommy!

We retrieve his baby sister in her stroller, and continue our walk.

The seriousness and softness in his tone, grabs my attention.  “Mommy, I don’t want to go to Heaven.”

In shock I respond, “Why, don’t you want to go to Heaven?”

Grabbing my hand tighter he replies, “I love you, mommy!  I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to leave you!”

Fighting back the emotions, swelling my heart, I answer Him, “Honey, we all have to die on the Earth.  We never know when, or how.  When God lives in our heart’s we have His promise of “forever” life.  We will see those we love again, and walk alongside them in Heaven.”

As we walk a relaxed pace.  He responds, “Mommy, what if God takes you to Heaven?”

The emotional extent of his question… is relentless.  My heart begins to quicken…  Thinking, what if he does?  What if today was my last day, with my little man?  I can’t honestly say, that won’t ever happen?  I don’t want him to live in fear.  Lord, how do I respond to such a question?

God whispers into my heart a response to his heart breaking question.

Halting our walk, I get down of my knees, and I hold his little hands in my own.  I speak into his soul, “Honey, I’m not planning on going anywhere for a long time.  Don’t worry, I don’t think God intends to take me home for a long time.  But when He does, I want you to remember…”

I take my pointer finger and point straight to his heart. “He will always be, right here, inside your heart.  You’ll never be by your self.  Okay?”

To my relief, he’s content with that answer.  I pick him up and give him the biggest squeeze, and tell him of my love.

At this point, my neighbor’s dog begins to bark wanting Daniel to pet him.  He walks away to pet the little white dog.

The conversation has ended.

But the questions left on my heart, are just beginning!

What if today was your last day on Earth?  Would you talk to God more?  Ensure He knows the extent of your love? Would you whisper, heartfelt “I Love You’s”, into your husband’s ear?  Would you hug your children tighter… longer.. and tell them the extent of your love?  What’s stopping you?  Go love… show your loved ones, how much you love… cherish… and enjoy being a part of their life!

Blessing,

Crystal