The Flame Within

Motherhood has certainly been an unexpected journey, a wonderful, amazing, and often turbulent ride! Everyday is somehow different than the day before, yet seemingly mundane all the same. Each day filled with surprises, experiences, challenges, joys, and trials.

Most days motherhood leaves my heart pumping with joy and singing sweet “I love you’s” deep within my chest. Occasionally, the “rough and rugged” days hit and my patience is painfully tested. In the midst of the difficult moments, the hard days seem like they may endure forever. During these challenging moments, I unfortunately fail in my ability to maintain my frustration level and greatly lose my patience.

Most days my heart rejoices over the priceless aspects of motherhood; first steps, family prayer, little childhood achievements, and watching them grow, fills my heart with abounding joy. Yet, there are those days, when these little one’s continuously whine, succumb to illness, back talk escapes their blessed little mouths, dishes get broken, milk is spilt, siblings squabble, and my patience reaches a desperate low point. In addition, motherhood has brought me to tears on many occasions; at times tears of joy and overwhelming love; other times tears of exhaustion, shame, fear, frustration, and weariness.

Motherhood has left me feeling a profound exuberance and joy for the future. At times I fear my children may not be prepared, when the time comes, to fly away from the comfort of the nest I’ve so carefully built. Motherhood is complete with a wide array of emotions.

This journey of motherhood has taught me invaluable life lessons. Motherhood has motivated me to continually work to become a better woman! The calling of being a mother, has encouraged me to step back and ask myself the hard questions in life.  Questions I would have never asked of myself, had I not had these little people looking up to me.  Motherhood has forced me to consistently be honest with myself, especially when my behavior lacks the Godly characteristics, I desire to display to my children.

Since becoming a mother, I’m continuously made aware of the sinful areas that reside within my heart. I’ve come to see how my past continually triggers present circumstances. How incredibly inept I am on my own power to successfully raise my four children.  Most importantly, motherhood has taught me; in my own power I fail miserably! I need God to guide, provide, and reveal to me my human frailties. Throughout this journey, motherhood has brought me to the end of my self, and I’ve grown from each and every experience. Each of my four children, have brought me overwhelming tears of frustration, fear, love, and joy! Mothering my children has challenged me in every way and somehow new challenges occur almost daily!

Mothering my children has revealed a whole new level of emotion within my soul. A love so deep and committed, it brings about feelings of overwhelming joy, and a new determination to be the best mother possible. This thing called motherhood has stretched me in ways I never thought possible! Stretched my previously thin and toned body, my ability to love another human being, and my selfish tendencies.

Being a mother has changed me from the inside out. The most significant change in my life, since becoming a mother…. Is my absolute need for God’s forgiveness, guidance, wisdom, grace, patience, and love! I certainly would never claim to be a perfect mother. What I can claim with assurance, is that I’ve always given my best! Sought God in my weakness. Ask for forgiveness, when I’ve failed my children! I have always tried to become better than the day before!

Most importantly, I can state with absolute certainty that there is no other human being, who could possibly love my children to the depths my love reaches! My love for my children, is deeply rooted and more than anything I could possibly fathom. My children are my motivation to succeed in this life! I am honored to be a mother! I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything this world offers! I love you whole-heartedly and completely Robby, Christopher, Daniel, and Caroline!!! Thanks for loving, forgiving, and counting on me! Most importantly… Thanks for calling me mom!

The link below will take you to a song written by Natalie Grant.  The words in this song, are like they came out of my own heart!