The Flame Within

I love the ocean. It always calms my spirit and God speaks to my spirit in the most profound manner in this place. The power of the ocean, reminds me of the unconditional power of God! The control of the ocean reminds me that God is in control of every aspect of our lives. One thing I always tell my kids when we’re at the beach, I’m reminded this very moment of this truth, as my two kids seem to be going a little too far out, always respect the ocean. It’s power is something we should never underestimate, ignore, or play around with. Respect the boundaries of the sea, for it is powerful and the boundaries of safety are vital to an enjoyable beach trip. In the same way, we should revere God! Only, our respect and love for God should be so much greater! God doesn’t give us boundaries to hurt us, or steal away our fun. The boundaries are there to protect us and to lead us into the most enjoyable and wonderful life! A life that is sold out for Christ!

It is in this place that God speaks to my troubled soul. It is here he gives clear guidance and life direction. It is here I am able to open up a broken, hurt, and closed off spirit. I can lift my arms in this place in worship to the God I serve with all my being. I ask my Father, my Daddy, to pick me up! To hold me in His arms! To comfort His little girl! The most beautiful thing, is the way He shows up in this place! He reminds this troubled heart that He’s in control of all things. Not only, is He working to heal our broken hearts in the midst of a significant life trial. He is working all things out for our good, there is victory in all suffering His children endured in the life.

In this place, standing next to the waves rolling in one after another, which such awesome power and control. He also reminded me that He’s in direct control over those who misuse their spiritual power, who act in evilness, and who disobey God’s calling for the purpose of power, prestige, and reputation. He sees all the pain caused to innocent people, by those who call themselves shepherds. He reminds me in this place, that the battle doesn’t belong to me. This is a Holy battle that he’s been fighting long before it came into our midst. It is here I am finally able to rest my weary spirit. It is here I can fully entrust our lives and figures into His loving and all knowing hands. It is here, by the sea, I understand how powerful God is and He reminds me to fight my battles in prayer! Here by the rushing waves, I feel waves of healing wash over my broken spirit. Sand in my toes, I feel firmly planted in God’s assurance and in His holy water.

It is here, I follow Christ’s example to take a boat to the other side of the Galilee to renew, refresh, regroup, and heal. I choose to flee from spiritual evilness and those who look on the outside like Christ, but their souls are far from Godly surrender. These are the Pharisees who act in such horror, selfishness, and outright evilness. The only people Jesus outright rebuked in scripture are the Pharisees. This is where I’m reminded that the rebuking of the Pharisees didn’t end in the scriptures. It still happens today! Pharisees and evil will be outright rebuked in due time. Evilness never prevails! The love of Christ prevails and looking at the Mighty ocean, I’m reminded that we have victory through the blood of Christ.

Standing on the shore, intermittent water, acting as a reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and love, I trust Him! I cling to Him! I rest in His perfect plan!

Blessings,

Crystal

I keep sitting down to write out something to minister to the hearts of others and I just can’t! This Christian counselor who absolutely loves to write, hasn’t been able to write for months. When I sit down to try, nothing comes out! It feels empty and hallow in the face of this tragedy! I keep praying for peace, for comfort, for greater understanding. It’s just not coming to me! It feels like I’m in survival mode and that’s precisely the case. It’s survival mode… Wake up and force yourself out of bed! It’s easier to stay asleep! Even my morning coffee doesn’t bring me joy like it used to. It takes intentional effort to be present for my children, my spouse, my house, and my job. I pray for strength and wisdom to make it through the day! Most days it works, others it hasn’t! I keep telling myself it will get easier, it does for a bit, but then I get knocked down again. It’s so much easier to get knocked down these days, by fears of the future and by my own self-doubts about my ability to face the Goliath in front of me.

Most of the time I get knocked down by the people who call themselves believers, God-followers, and even pastors (shepherds of God’s flock). This is the worse kind of evil, pastors who abuse. Those who calls themselves Shephards, but in actuality are ravenous wolves.

Sometimes, I get knocked down by someone’s ignorance or worse their ~ silence. Silence I’ve learned is a very real and extremely loud way of saying “I don’t care about your pain, your struggle, your broken heart, or the fact that your life has been turned upside down. I only care about my comfort, my peace, and my ability to continue living the life I please, the way I like it. I only care about my comfort! This hurts to the core of my already broken and shattered heart. Sadly, some of these people I looked up to, I called friends, and now I’ve seen their true colors! My heart aches in the face of this unwelcomed reality. These people who we shared our hearts with, our lives with. In light of our biggest life’s trial, they’ve seemingly disappeared into thin air, as if they never really existed! This is hard to wrap my head around!

I also get knocked down by someone’s “I’m sorry, I’ll miss you!” Like, that’s it, “So long, nice knowing you!” It’s all a reality of how inauthentic the relationships were and a reminder that they were never ~ real. This hurts deeply! So very deeply! The people we thought loved God, us, and God’s children whole-heartedly flaked at the most important and vital moment. These “so-called” friends vanished in the face of our greatest trials! This heavy dose of reality received in the midst of such a tragedy is the absolute worse part of the trial! That and the outright denial of what they know is absolute truth! Denial is like looking at someone who’s bleeding to death and saying “All we know is that you are allegedly bleeding to death. We don’t actually have proof!” No help, no support, no compassion, no life-saving measures, no calling 911, just walks away and denies the reality that you are in fact bleeding to death! May sound silly, but I guarantee that’s what it feels like! Anyone who’s walked this path would attest to the feeling of you’re friends have left you to die, bleed, and hurt alone! {Ouch!} I pray no one has to know this level of hurt, yet sadly, for many this is their reality.

What is holding me up through this trial? What is holding up my family? God almighty is absolutely holding all of us up! His promises, His love, His word, His answers to the prayers from the deepest cries of my heart. Our strong family connection and the way we come together in the face of tragedy, that’s holding us up. On a tearful walk one evening my husband held my hand and said “It always comes back to the six of us!” So true! I feel so sorry for those who face such awful tragedies and don’t have a loving and supportive family.

God is holding us up by the friends who are choosing to stand with us in the trial! Who pray for us multiple times a day! Support and encourage us and who answer the phone when I’m bawling and frightened by the sheer overwhelmingness of the trials we’re walking through. Thank you! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! Your crowns await you in Heaven! God is holding us up by answering the prayer of my heart to send us to the right people! People who get our pain, who know the heartache is real and offer truth and comfort all at once! To our greatest supporters who leave long voicemails praying over us, cards of encouragement sent in the mail, signs to remind us that God is fighting our battle, scriptures sent every morning to point me to Jesus, supportive Facebook messages and texts lifting us up to the Father! Laughter is holding us up! When our family sits around talking or taking long drives and we just laugh hysterically ~ It is true, laughter is the best medicine! Friends sending funny texts and funny little videos that cause me to literally laugh out loud. Today a friend who was driving and upon hearing my broken-hearted tears pulled into a random person’s driveway in the middle of a mountain to pray with me, this cracked me up and immediately lifted the heaviness and weight off my weary shoulders. These are the very things God is using to hold us together through the trial!

WE ARE SO THANKFUL!

Music is holding me up when my heart no longer knows what to feel, when the Spirit intercedes on our behalf with moans and groans that the Father knows and understands! We are being held up in the midst of the trial! We are so very grateful! I am thankful for the warriors who’ve gone before and bravely faced Goliaths with God at their side, despite facing the same heart-wrenching circumstances we’ve endured! Even when it feels like we’re all alone, we’re never alone! God is always by our side!

To be honest, I don’t know what the end result is. I do know our lives will never be the same. Just like the Covid pandemic, we had to face the very real reality that normal wasn’t coming back. Our family now has to face this new reality in a new trial. Normal ain’t coming back for us, the only hope we have is for God to direct us into a new new normal, a new way of living! To know that ministries come out of our greatest heartbreaks! To trust that our pain is never in vain! God counts every tear that falls from our eyes! God promises to give back abundantly more than what was taken from us! I trust in God’s promises!

“The Lord is near the weary and broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit!”

Friends, if you’re walking through or have walked through an insurmountable trial ~ I’m so very sorry! I know it feels like you’re heart will never beat normally again and it feels like joy is so far away! Hang in there! Joy comes in the morning! Believe in God’s promises! It’s normal to have a crisis of faith in the face of such a tragedy, I have and I’m a Christian counselor. This is all Satan’s strategy to keep us from God when we desperately need Him most! Don’t fall for this evil scheme from the Father of lies!

In closing, I’m reminded of someone I admire greatly who was a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of Larry Nasser, famous doctor for the United States gymnastics. Rachel Denhollandar has to be one of the bravest people and her heart for justice and God’s goodness is absolutely awe-inspiring.

I’ll leave you with a few of her quotes that have encouraged me.

“If I have no God, I have nothing!” Racheal Denhollandar

Friends, in the face of such a trial is not the time to turn away from God. This will overtake you and leave you completely hopeless! Stay focused on God! He’s with you and his heart aches because you’re heart has been shattered!

“I struggled to separate the way I felt about God from the evil Larry had committed. Had God abandoned me? He had not, it dawned on me as I wrote. I couldn’t deny the goodness in the world, the strength and purpose of God’s love. With the help of my faith and my family, I was able to grow. The passion and drive I’d once put into gymnastics, I poured into law, debate and public policy. I put those journal pages away in a folder and moved on. I graduated law school, passed the bar and met Jacob.” Rachel Denhollandar

There is hope in our pain! There is beauty in our world! There is goodness in people! There is a God who is in control and hates to see His children hurt!

Friends, There is life, there is joy, and there is hope after this trial! Don’t give up! Stay close to God!

Love, Your sister in Christ,

Crystal Ridlon, LPC, LMHC

When you’re walking through the stillness, the waiting, and the seemingly “vast emptiness of unanswered prayers”, Satan torments us with fear and negativity!

“You’re not good enough! God doesn’t hear you! He doesn’t care! You’re all alone, nobody cares! God didn’t protect you and He allowed this to happen! You’re an idiot! There’s no hope in this desolate time you’re enduring!” The darkness and negativity of the enemy can be downright overwhelming and scary at times. I know, I’ve been there! It’s tough!

Satan is the master manipulator, the father of lies, and the atrocious enemy! Please remember that the negative beliefs in a period of stillness are relentless and overwhelming! I know this all too well! I’ve wrestled with the enemy on many occasions and so thankful that through Christ the enemy doesn’t win the war! I admit that in some of the longer and more overwhelming trials he’s won some “hours”, and sadly even entire days. Through Christ, I always get back up! Christ equips me for the battle! We were never expected to fight the battles in this life alone!

Somedays, I get knocked down and am tempted to retreat in weakness; Sometimes I cry, isolate, and want to escape the battles all around me. God always shows up in my despair and comforts the deepest places in my heart and soul! The Lord “really” is close to the weary and broken hearted! After this period of darkness, in the midst of it my heart cries out to God in surrender and he’s my ever present help in times of trouble. ALWAYS! At the end of the trial, I end up fighting harder, bolder, and more courageous. I am so thankful that God guides us through the storms of this life and I especially love the way we always come out victorious on the other side! It is in the overwhelming storms of life that I cry out to God and he rushes to my side!

Our family has endured quite the season of hardship… Unemployment in a family is trying and fearful. Several hard losses of loved ones, health traumas, big moves, etc. But… God! He is faithful! He always provides… even in this! The answer isn’t anything like we imagined, it’s better than we could have imagined! It’s more eternal, positively life altering, purposeful, hopeful, and supportive! We are grateful for this new season! God is good and loving! He truly has a plan, even when the trials seems long, void, and dim.

Friends, if you’re caught in a trial, be encouraged! On the other side of a long difficult trial, I can say with absolute certainty, “God cares! He really does! He has a plan! A perfect plan! It may seem glum and dark right now, but keep looking up and praying! Fight off the devil’s wicked schemes! Find a good God-fearing counselor, friend, mentor, pastor to help walk you through the storm!

This too shall pass! Keep the faith! Keep trusting! Keep fighting! Cry, process, be honest with God, and allow the process to heal you and strengthen you! But whatever you do… Don’t give up! The battle is long and weary, but the mountain top is breath taking, awe inspiring, healing, and faith enduring!

Stay focused on God! He’s got even this…

Blessings, Crystal

This Christian counselor saw a Christian counselor today and she pointed me towards the hope found in God’s word. Everyone needs a counselor from time to time, especially counselors! She spoke truth to my heart in areas where I have been intermittently tempted to worry! She reminded me of the importance of self-care! How funny is it that every counselor I’ve ever seen has reminded me of the importance of self-care? Could it be an ongoing issue in my life? It’s true, all too often I put myself on the back burner and attempt to take care of everyone and everything else. It’s always a helpful and much needed reminder! She showed me in God’s word where Jesus himself needed an escape from overwork and was drained by ministry. This was freeing! This is the passage she lead me to. I love how God’s word is full of applicable and time sensitive truths!

“Crowds Follow Jesus”
Mark 3:7-12 “Jesus withdrew with his disciples to the lake, and a large crowd from Galilee followed. When they heard about all he was doing, many people came to him from Judea, Jerusalem, Idumea, and the regions across the Jordan and around Tyre and Sidon. Because of the crowd he told his disciples to have a small boat ready for him, to keep the people from crowding him. For he had healed many, so that those with diseases were pushing forward to touch him. Whenever the impure spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, “You are the Son of God.” But he gave them strict orders not to tell others about him.”

She asked me to think about what my escape boat entails? What do I have in my life that allows me to refuel, refocus, and regain energy? Good question??? As tears filled my eyes… {Of course, I pushed them down! I’m tough after all!} 😉

Thankfully, I have many blessings in my life! Many things that bring me joy and rejuvenate my weary spirit! However, I need more discipline in this area! These days I’m finding myself more weary, side tracked, and overwhelmed!

{For women only section}
We women often take on the weight of our jobs, husbands, kids, parents, family, friends, church, and more. It can be downright overwhelming! This aspect of womanhood continually threatens to steal my joy due to weariness, from worries and overwork. I’ve sat with many Christian women who’ve spoken the same series of concerns to me, we women don’t have a “shut off” {ever}. I’ve heard men can pull out their empty box in their brain on a whim??? I sometimes long for an empty box! I DO NOT have an empty box, my brain and mind is {always} going! What about you? Ladies; Our shoulders aren’t made for such heavy weight.

{Back to everyone} 😊

Somehow it freed me and helped my to realize that it’s okay to have my limits and I’m not expected to carry the weight of everyone and everything around me! I sure get caught in this trap easily!

This isn’t a “get out of jail” free card, we are called to be witnesses and ministers to those around us. Just not everyone and everything! Contrary to what Satan tries to tell us all the time “We don’t have to be responsible for everything!” Only the things and people God specifically calls us to.

Listening to the Holy Spirit and not our internal “people pleasing”’bully! This is the key!

For me, I need to remind myself that even in this season… “That God is our every {need meeter} and I don’t have to fret or worry… or labor or spin!”

Mathew 6:24-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

Jesus came so that we can have joy filled lives, not to be continuously frazzled and worried!

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Where’s your boat? What’s does your boat entail? Join me in pondering this thought with me this week!

Blessings,
Crystal

I love this memory! God blessed us with a trip to Europe, just the two of us the summer of 2019! What a blessing! So grateful for the trip of a lifetime! A gift God so graciously lavished on us! I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was a gift meant to sustain us through the storms we never anticipated were headed our way!

That’s the thing about storms, they always come out of the blue! When we least expect it! New England was hit with multiple feet of snow last week and the Midwest is preparing for a major blizzard as I write this blog! Last month, the Midwest had horrid and tragic tornadoes that ripped apart city’s and neighborhoods! The storms of life are painful and always completely unexpected!

Every time I see our Europe pictures I’m reminded of how quickly we can be caught off guard with the most unexpected hardships in life! I’m thankful for the mountain top experiences God grants to sustain us when the trials of life hit hard!

These pictures were taken when our hearts were overjoyed! Exuberant with the hope of the future! Innocently unaware of the ground shaking trials we’d soon endure in our world, our city, our jobs, our lives, our marriage, our family, and in our souls!

These pictures from our dream Europe vacation, we’re taken before our world began spinning. We’ve endured 2 1/2 years of unexpected major life trials! I’m comforted when I see these pictures! Simply, because they are a reminder of the good times! They were taken during a time when life felt more certain, stable, and less fearful! The pictures were taken before the pandemic! They were taken before the understanding of the devastation of unemployment! … Before medical trauma! … Before the loss of two of the most important people in my life! … Before moving from a place we considered home for 20 years! A place we thought we’d retire and eventually our children would marry and bring grand-babies to visit us. It was before several years of trial after trial! It was before we felt displaced in a multitude of ways! These pictures are a reminder of God’s blessings!

I won’t lie, there have “at times” been major parts of my spirit that have yearned to go back to the “simpler” days! There have been days when I can so relate with the Israelites desire to run back to Egypt, because the path to the promised land is heavy, painful, uncertain, and certainly not what we expect! There have been days when I hurt for the Israelites, simply because this life has handed us an overflowing cup of “hard” for an extended period of time! I hurt… because in some way “I get it!” God has a way of allowing life circumstances to connect us more intimately with His word! There’s nothing like experiencing hardship to make us more empathetic, compassionate, and understanding of the struggles others encounter! God knows this and uses our pain to mold us into more devout followers and more empathetic and caring disciples! In all honesty, I’m still at the place in the journey when I wish he could have used another method, a method that wasn’t quite so life-altering, difficult, and fearful! But… I’m not God! I can’t see the end! In my flesh I see the ruggedness along the journey! When I earnestly seek Him throughout the journey, I see the beauty along the path! The flowers, the streams, the sunsets, and the answered prayers along the way.

There are certainly those days, when it feels like Satan is getting the best of me! When the journey has been so very long and there seems to be no end in sight. When I’m overwhelmed with the wait, the struggle, and weary from the journey! There are days when like the Israelites my spirit cries to return to the familiar! The only problem is there is no running back to Egypt! The days of Egypt are long gone and God has us hiking on a new path, a new journey! My only choice is to straighten my God-given crown, cry out to God, and run back to His word for comfort, hope, and security!

I thank God for the glimpses of the Promised Land! These moments bring me hope, energy, and sustainability! The view is in sight! Occasionally, we dip into a valley and the trees and rugged terrain threaten the view I so desperately yearn to grasp in my hands! It is during these times, Satan hurls on doubt!

As I await for the mountaintop to replace the difficult rocky & rugged journey of this valley we’re trudging through… I will cling to the promises of God!

“All things work for good to those who are called according to His plan!”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord! Plans for you to prosper and never to harm you’ll.”

Mathew 6:28- 34 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

As I sit here overwhelmed with my own thoughts, feelings, and concerns… I realized we have made it to the Promised Land! We’re only waiting for the crop, the land, and the provisions! We’re so very close! I will not lose focus! I will “Seek God first and foremost!” I will trust His promises! I will not lose hope!

As a counselor, I know I am not alone on my journey! What mountain in your life is causing your pain, hardship, and difficulty?

• Are you struggling to see hope in a broken relationship?
• Do you have a wayward spouse/ child?
• Are you facing financial hardship/ illness?
• Are you struggling to see God’s plan past the doubt Satan is using to cloud your heart/mind?

We all have difficult aspects to this life! Jesus said “In this world, you “WILL” have trouble! But take heart I have overcome the world!”

Friends, I don’t have all the answers! I don’t have the power to stop the storm! I don’t have in my power the ability to smooth out and shorten the long journey your enduring! If I did, I would have began with ending my own trials/ pain/ broken relationships.

I will point you in the same direction, I point myself to when life gets hard! Jesus! When I take my focus off the problem’s of this life and place my focus on Jesus, I feel grounded and the fear subsides!

Blessings,
Crystal

I miss my grandmother’s sweet grin! I grew up seeing this grin every time I was around her! Everytime I called I heard joy in her voice when she heard my voice on the other end.

This is her look of “I love you! I’m so proud of you! You make my life a better place! Seeing you brings me joy!”

She always lit up around children, she LOVED kids, especially her own grandkids! I can’t see a toddler in a cart at the store, without remembering how my grandmother would always stop and say hello and play with “stranger” babies everywhere we went. Funny how it used to embarrass me as a young girl and now it’s one of my fondest memories! 🥰

To have a grandmother like her was such a gift! I’ll miss her everyday until I see her again! I am so thankful she was able to meet and know each one of my children. Every time her grandchildren came for a visit she always wanted to give us something. She had the most giving heart! The last time we visited her in the nursing home she looked around her room (where she had very few belongings) and found something to give to Caroline. She always wanted to send us away with a piece of her! I guess this is where I get my desire to give specialized gifts to the people I love!

Everyone needs someone in their life who believes in them! Loves them unconditionally! Most importantly… shows joy and excitement in their faces when they’re around! This is why I try to always greet my children with an excited and loving “Hello! How was your day! You okay? I missed you today!” I want them to know they are loved completely and they make my life a better place! I want them to see pride on my face when they’re in my presence!

It is easy to be critical, but it requires discipline to focus on the strengths and gifts of those you’re around! The ability to be an encouragement and to bring life giving words to those around you is only possible through living each day for Jesus!

These qualities come from a heart filled with God’s love! Spending time in prayer, reading the Bible, Bible study, fellowship with other believers, actively searching your heart and laying down our pride, and practicing opening up our hearts to those around us! The rewards reaped from actively working at uplifting those you’re around, makes life abundantly joyful! Healthy relationships fulfill us with the Heavenly fellowship and abundant joy God intended for His children!

What kind of energy do you bring to the people around you? Especially, those closest to you? Are you hypercritical, negative, always thinking pessimistic thoughts? Or are you one to bring love and encouragement to those in your presence?

I know who I want to be! I want to be one that brings God’s unconditional love to the people around me! I’m not always an encourager and it is way to easy to slip into a cycle of criticism and negativity! That’s when the Holy Spirit convicts my heart and I run back to Jesus and make things right with the people around me!

I want people to remember the “love and fondness” on my face years after I’ve left the earth!

In a world filled with grumpies, I want to be joyful! I want to bring Christ’s love to everyone I meet!

• Sometimes people won’t like your “joyful”, be joyful anyway!
  *Sometimes people will mock your Jesus, bring Jesus anyway!
  *Sometimes people will respond to your compliments with negativity! Compliment anyway!
  *Sometimes your teenagers will be disgruntled when you show love and affection. Love and hug anyway!
  *Sometimes negative people will despise you and say you’re annoying! Be annoying anyway! (Their not annoyed with you, their annoyed by the Jesus in you!)
  *Sometimes people will be intimidated by who you are in Christ! Be who Jesus called you to be anyway!

Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Blessings,
Crystal

Driving home from church this evening with Robby and Daniel, I was blessed with such great conversation! I cherish the moments when my teenagers open up about “real stuff” and allow me to see their heart! Daniel is naturally a complete introvert and rarely opens up about heart matters. Tonight he shared that the school environment is a distraction. Upon asking questions and gently entering into this “rare” moment of vulnerability, he stated distraction is anything that takes his focus off of God. We talked about peer pressure, comparing ourselves to others, and realizing that when someone is unkind it’s a red flag pointing to their true character!

Attending First Baptist Dallas has greatly increased his passion for wanting to know Jesus more! What a blessing! Makes the long drives to Dallas well worth the extra time and money spent! We are thankful for our church and that God lead us to this amazing place of worship.

We continued to talk about the struggles of junior high and Robby shared his experiences from Junior High; The trials and everything he learned during this time. Hearing the two of them share from their heart and be vulnerable about their struggles in life, was such a blessing!

It is a lie from the enemy that teenagers don’t want anything to do with their parents. Parents, DO NOT fall for this lie! Our teenagers need us and long to connect with their parents! We need to pave the way for them by not constantly nagging them, observing and pointing out their strengths, listening for moments of vulnerability, and gently entering into conversations with grace, mercy, and encouragement!

3 John 1:4 “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

I am blessed and I love being a mom! The best, hardest, and most important job I’ll ever have!

Blessings, Crystal

The direction of our nation is terrifying! Can’t believe what people are fighting for… America is the home of the free! What will America look like when those fighting with impure motives win the battle? Scary to think about!

What are you fighting for? Be very careful the battles your fighting, you have to live with them! In fact, we all do! Our children’s children have to live with the fallout.

Sadly, the people fighting the wrong battle do not care about the generational fall out, they only care about themselves! What makes “me” happy! And… now!

Friends, we have to stop complaining about the direction our great nation is headed! We have to do something about it. I’m not saying argue with people to change their minds, that WILL NOT work! I’m not saying hand out a gospel track, I’m not saying go to church and come home. Nope, these things will not change the direction our country is headed.

We have to do the hardest thing, but also the most rewarding thing. We have to build relationships with people! We have to renew our heart and focus on Jesus! We have to be in continual prayer and asking God to show us how we can be a vessel for Him!

We have to STOP feeding our souls with “things”, “popularity”, “fame”, “bigger houses and more expensive cars”, “ease of life”, and begin feeding our soul with God’s love and find purpose and fulfillment in serving Jesus! We have to get out of ourselves and into God’s will, fully! Friends, during this time in history we CAN NOT be luke warm Christians! We must be hot, we must be on fire for Jesus!

We have to talk to our neighbors! We have to build relationship with our youth and show them the culture is empty and they are more fulfilled by Jesus and God’s people! Lost people need to see Jesus through us! People need to feel God’s love through us! This is the only thing that will change our nation! If all God’s people all around the world lives out the gospel message, our world would change! As individuals we have access to individual people and this seems small, but they find hope and lead others to hope! I’ve been blessed to see this play out in real life and it is the most rewarding aspect of living for Jesus! Seeing the Hope of Jesus spread!

Sadly, our vote matters very little in today’s society, because the same people fighting for the demise of America are manipulating our right as American’s to vote, by cheating the voting system! It’s scary!

Sooooo…. It’s time to get off your high horse and get out your boats…

Time to do what Jesus tells us and exemplified so perfectly in His word. We are called to be fishers of men! Lead them to Jesus through your actions motivated in Holy love, not through empty words! Words are empty, without purposeful intention behind them!

Let’s face it, we’ve become a selfish people, more so than ever before! And… we are more
more miserable and hopeless than ever before! The suicide rates are unbelievable! The anxiety and depression rates are off the charts! Being selfish, is actually the most miserable way to live! Interesting, but so very true!

Thankful Jesus is on the throne! This is a challenge to me and to you!

We have to save our nation, by getting right with God! It’s going to take an army, God’s army standing to fight! We have to fight a different battle, with different weapons, not the weapons of the world! We need to fight with God’s weapons! “The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, patience, gentleness and self-control.”

Go make disciples of all men!

Mathew 28: 19-20 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

2 Corinthians 10: 3-6 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.”

Blessings,

Crystal

God speaks in repetition and the message I keep hearing through scripture, the Holy Spirit, and by spiritual mentors and friends… Is, “Bad things happen! Life is hard! God has never promised he would remove the storms, but that He’d walk through every single storm with us!”

God is everywhere… EVERYWHERE! In our homes, offices, at Walmart, on the interstate, in the ICU, He’s everywhere! He never leaves us and never forsakes us.

Friends, please remember this, when you’re facing insurmountable mountains and trials! Trust me, I know this from personal experience! In the scariest and most uncertain places of our lives, Satan will work overtime on our vulnerable hearts and minds. It’s his agenda! He wants to lure us away in our weakened state of suffering, this is when we’re most susceptible and Satan is clever. After all, he tempted Jesus after he had fasted fourty days and nights. He attacked when he knew good and well that Jesus was at His weakest. Thankfully, Jesus is the victor over Satan and drew his strength from His Father in Heaven! Be alert and recognize the enemy’s evil schemes. He ATACKS hardest when we’re at our weakest!

Remember… Satan attacks hardest when we’re … Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, & Sick or Sad. “HALTS!”

When we’re walking through the hardest trials, the one’s we prayed and pleaded for God to remove; the cancer, the loss of a loved one, unemployment, divorce, wayward spouses and children, broken relationships, etc… God is walking right beside us! He’s our strength, comfort, wisdom, and Waymaker.

He is our ever-present help in times of trouble! Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” He is mindful of our suffering and our struggles, he genuinely loves and cares about our hearts. Psalm 8:3 & 4 “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”

When my sweet little girl was being life-lined to the PICU at All Children’s hospital in critical condition… There was a point when seeing her suffer was entirely more than I could handle. At one point I wanted to run away… my heart couldn’t handle seeing my baby girl so sick. In this moment, I was just plain out honest with God… “God, I can’t stand seeing my baby this sick! I need you to hold me up! Be my strength! Lord, please!” Immediately, a whole new strength and supernatural endurance showed up! I became her strength, encourager, and walked her through the hardest and most frightening moments. This was only possible, because God was holding me up and walking with me through the trial! She doesn’t know about my weak moment, all she knows is I was her safe place and I was taking care of her every need and praying for her fervently! She saw Jesus’s strength through her momma! She saw the prayers and the answered prayers! God is so good!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news…

Friends, life will give you more than you can handle! Time and time again this awful truth will ring true! Life will never give us more than we can handle when we’re clinging to Jesus in the midst of the storms! This is our one true promise and assurance! Our “Blessed Assurance”!

Cling to Him today! He’s got you! He’s got your baby! He’s got your spouse! He’s got all your needs taken care of! He’s right there with you! Always!

Blessings, Crystal

Part I “Trauma Changes Us Forever: How a Series of Traumatic events Changed Me Forever”

True transparency for a moment. Rest assured, I am not sharing my story for sympathy. I’m sharing to reach the heart’s of others who may find themselves on a similar dark, frightening, and taunting journey!

The past 2 years have threatened to take me down more than I care to admit! Especially, the past 4 months have been the traumatic icing on an extremely awful and fearful cake!

Friends, this Christian counselor who continually points people to the Hope of Jesus, found myself struggling at times to find the ability to face the day (afraid of the next attack)!

I showed up at work (most of the time), I tried to be the best wife I could, I tried to love my kiddos the best of my ability! I continued pointing people to Jesus, as much as I could! It was effective for the most part, ( I sure hope it was, my prayer is always that God would fill in the gaps when I’m feeling weak. This is the hard part of ministry, we’re called to be on our game all the time, yet we’re all human and we will never be at our best all the time.).

Something within me, kept me from connecting at the deepest level with God, my husband, my children, my friends, and my clients. I know when I’m at my best and know the way I’m able to connect with people. It wasn’t happening at the same level. It broke my heart, and at times made me question my value and effectiveness as a wife, mother, friend, and counselor. Even as a Child of God! Thankfully, I know how to talk through the negative talk enough to keep going! I don’t think my clients noticed it, at least I hope they didn’t, but I felt it in my spirit! I did my very best for where I was during this trial! It’s all we can do… our best!

Why did this happen to me? Answer… My heart was crushed! I was afraid! I was terrified! There were a series of attacks and when I was feeling overwhelmed beyond my ability to handle the weight of it all, the largest attack came at us completely out of left field. When I realized I needed soul rest, decided to go on vacation to the beach, and upon landing in Florida my little girl immediately became gravely sick.

For five days I took care of her and worked with every ounce of my being to help her get better. Sleepless nights worrying about 104 fevers that seemed impossible to maintain and several other symptoms. Three trips to the ER with poor care and inaccurate diagnosis. Two urgent care trips. Three virtual appointments, this all took place in a 5 day period. This doesn’t count the doctor and nurse friends I reached out to for guidance. For five days her body was quickly dwindling and no one could tell me what was wrong. This was traumatic in and of itself. Then the final and correct diagnosis occurred on the fifth day when I took her to the best hospital in the area and risked being charged, as it was out of network. When it comes to saving your children, money is no longer an issue! They diagnosed her with MIS-C (Multi-System Inflammatory Syndrome in Children). A life-treating condition that comes on about 4 weeks after Covid and causes the bodies antibodies to go crazy and frantically begins attacking the organs. They said she was in critical condition and that you’re little girl is very sick. You brought her in at the right time! We need to work quickly to get her stablelized and get her to St. Petersburg’s, John Hopkins All Children’s Hospital. They sent a lifeline to transport her and that was the longest and scariest trip of our lives! This is where our lives went into survival mode and sensual overload became overwhelming to our brain’s ability to properly file away memories, input, sounds, thoughts, information, and unanswered questions. Caroline and I both developed PTSD due to this near death and extrmeLy scary situation. In part II, I will explain more about the journey with MIS-C and how the trauma revealed it’s head upon returning home.

Friends, during this 4 months time frame it seriously felt like I was living out a real life game of Wack-A-Mole! Every time I’d feel a little bit stronger, another attack would crush me right back into my brokenness! Every time I felt I was coming to grip with the status wiping her condition and starting to find peace, the phone would ring informing of another concerning blood test result. I was on high alert for several months, watching every symptom to ensure she would be safe and healthy. At times her heart rate accelerated for no reason and got to the 180’s without exercise being the cause. It was a scary time! Praise the Lord her body is returning to a more normal state, her emotional well-being will take some more time! Although, she’s made great strides in this area by talking to me, her dad, her brothers, her counselor, and her art work! I couldn’t keep up and my stomach couldn’t either.

Stomach issues became a real issue, tension, headaches, sleepless nights, nightmares, and I even had a few clients who during my trial acted in ways that made it feel like they were stabbing a knife right into the deepest places of my heart. Of course, I can’t tell the circumstances, but just know that ministry doesn’t come without its own share of heartache, pain, and frustration. Especially, when the counselor has endured their own trauma. Usually, I’m more equipped and confident to handle these situations. At this time, I was barely hanging in and the attacks were overwhelming. When you are a counselor who truly cares for your clients, it opens you up to great potential for hurt. Therefore, many counselors remain emotionally absent and completely neutral, it’s “safer” this way, but it doesn’t produce the path to healing. Love is the only avenue to healing! I am so thankful that the majority of my clients were so very caring and chill throughout the process. They were patient when I had to cancel for Caroline’s doctor’s appointments, or had to take important calls from the hospital during a session (which I never do), or I messed up my schedule and botched up appointment times. So thankful for this blessing during this trial in my life!

My heart has faced so many of Satan’s attacks at such an accelerated rate, that there were times I thought to myself “I want to stay in bed all day, bad things happen out there!” I knew this was the epitome of living in fear! I’ve seen how this impacts my clients and I didn’t want to go to this dark of a place. I knew that he key was never giving up! I kept fighting!

Thankfully, during these intense attacks, I knew that succumbing to the defeating voices of Satan would only destroy me. After all, God says “Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy!” Even on the hardest days, I forced myself to get up and face the world! I’d always read at least a little scripture and listened to a lot worship music, even though to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t feel it! At least not like I’m accustomed to. This was the most terrifying aspect of the experience. Why? God has been my firm assurance throughout life and Jesus my one true hope, wisdom provider, almighty counselor, and hope! Not feeling in connection fully with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, created the most noice and discomfort in my soul. It wasn’t God, it was my trauma, my fear, my struggle! Trauma does this!

Something inside of me threatened to shut off all emotions and connections! It was in these moments I developed a greater understanding, compassion, and empathy for how Satan can cause us to spiral downward fast! I’ve always been sensitive to this, but living through it has a way of bringing more and more empathy and love to others in pain!

In part II, I will continue sharing our healing journey through the illness, the traumatic impact, and how I’ve been able to work through the journey. Check it out!

Love you all!

Blessing,

Crystal