The Flame Within

A couple of nights ago, I was sitting in the living room, surrounded by my family and guiltily stressing about my graduate level research papers. Earlier, that afternoon I had noticed a friend requested prayer for her daughter on Facebook. Despite, my stress over my research papers due that evening, I continued to check Facebook for further updates on the condition of my friends daughter. I opened Facebook, in the midst of blood beating anxiety over the completion of my papers, and the status update I read [literally stopped me in my tracks].

My mind couldn’t grasp the information I had just read. [Thinking, surely I read that wrong, I read it twice, and three times.] My friend’s sweet, beautiful, and tender two year old daughter had been diagnosed with Neuroblastoma, a form of childhood cancer. Emotions welled within me, and I couldn’t make sense of such sadness. The thoughts whirling within my mind, included anger… fear… unbelief… anxiety… and uncertainty. A world of chaotic emotions washed over my soul. A whirlwind of emotions that I couldn’t even begin to describe in written word.

I put down my computer, and retrieved into my bedroom. I phoned a close friend. The two of us talked, planned, and prayed for our friend’s family. This friend, is one of those friends you can call, and can make your sadness, fear, and stress seem frivolous. [Not this time!] She couldn’t make it better, I couldn’t make it better, and the two of us together couldn’t make it better. Once we realized our words… pretty much were helpless… we decided to end our phone call in prayer.

We prayed! I’ve prayed continuously since the moment I heard the disheartening news. My family prays together. We’ll continue praying through the months that lie head. [Prayer… It’s all we can physically do. This situation is out of our control.] So we pray!

I am a strong believer, and faith in God comes as natural as the air I breathe. [Not this time.] [Not the evening, I was sick in bed with Pneumonia and read on Facebook, that my college roommate lost her husband and two of her five children.] [Not the nights I sat next to my little ones’ hospital beds.] [Not the evening my husband was stuck in Tokyo, during the largest Earthquake in 100 years and I wouldn’t find out for many hours that he was safely flying over the Pacific.]. During these moments I have to [choose] faith.

Throughout my 20 years of being a Christian, I have experienced difficult times. Times when my immediate inclination was fear, anger, and unbelief. During these times, I realized… I have nothing else… [But faith]. So… I place my trust in Him. After all, he has never let me down! When trials come rushing in my direction, and my view of Heaven is diminished from fear, anxiety, and disappointment, I will rely on Faith. [Faith… Even when chosen, out of desperation], has never let me down.

[God has NEVER let me down!]

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I could learn your statutes. Psalm 119:71

Now the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little. 1 Peter 5:10

Human suffering is universal; no one escapes. It is ubiquitous!

If I withhold faith, I will behold no hope!!!

Blessings,

Crystal