The Flame Within

Friends, God is Amazing!

Almost a year ago, in the middle of preparations for applying for graduate school to earn a degree as a Christian Mental Health counselor, I recall an inner battle raging within my heart.  I want to share this struggle with my fellow blog followers.  This is how God showed me that He would be my strength and provide the way!

You see, I was raised in a painful and dysfunctional home and often I second guess my intelligence.  Driving home on a snowy and dark evening, I suddenly became very afraid of the idea of graduate school.  My heart was breaking, I was utterly terrified, I was seriously doubting my abilities, and began crying out to the Lord.  “Lord, I can’t do this!  It’s too hard…  I came from stupid (hey, these were my actual thoughts and I take pride in being as honest as possible)!  What makes me think I can come from my family and think I can possibly become a Christian counselor, a real licensed counselor?”  These were my honest thoughts!  As I drove, the tears flowed endlessly from my eyes and I told God, “I’m scared, I can’t do this!  I’m not smart enough!”  God spoke into my heart, “Crystal, did I not bring you out of that dysfunctional environment.  Did I not guide you out of that wilderness?  Do you think this process is going to be any harder than the pain you endured throughout your childhood?  Have I not saved you?  Haven’t I walked every step of the way with you?”  Suddenly an unknown song came on the radio…. New songs immediately peak my interest, so I turned it up.  The song God sent to me “at just the right moment” was written by Francesca Batestelli, the title “Strangely Dim”.  I am going to share this song on my blog!  Please take time to listen to the profound wisdom sang through the words of this beautiful and fun song!

Strangely Dim

The Words…

I’ve had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don’t know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can’t see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

When I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim

I don’t know, I don’t know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You’re holding it all
So no matter what may come

I’m gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
‘Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I’m gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I’m in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim.

Today, nine courses later.  A better GPA than I could have EVER imagined!  I am proudly announcing that God is successfully guiding me through this process.   I keep reminding myself, “When I fix my eyes on all that You are. Til every doubt I feel deep in my heart, grows strangely dim.  Let all my worries fade, and fall to the ground.  Cause when I seek your face and don’t look around… Any place I’m in grows strangely dim!”

I am taking this day to personally , “Thank the Father for His love and guidance!”

At the start of every new class, doubt attempts to take root in my heart, and I go back to this song.  To that divine moment in the car, driving home, with tears flowing… that moment when God spoke into my heart.  When I keep my focus on Him, it’s true… Everything else grows strangely dim!  The only obvious thing becomes His voice, His presence, His love, and His strength!

Friends, Have a Wonderful Day!  Have I ever mentioned how truly thankful I am for you, my fellow friends and readers?  Thank you for allowing me to share the amazing love of God and the way He provides, calls, and loves me in this process, I call “Life”!

God Bless,

Crystal