The Flame Within

This old heart of mine is breaking…  fingers tapping words onto an empty screen.  Tapping words… words desperately needed to explain the pain within the innermost places of my heart.

Most popular keys… “Delete”… that’s not right. “Backspace”…  too much information… too raw… Too vulnerable.

My fingers continue to tap letters… letters intended to form words… words meant to create sentences… meaningful sentences trying to describe the pain welling up within my heart.

Yet… no matter how many letters… words… sentences my fingers attempt to create… the pain remains.  The answers I seek… yet to be found.  The peace I long for… seems a thousand miles away.

In fact… no matter how I try to self-talk my way out of feeling broken… hurt… and rejected… the pain insists on disrupting my inner peace, my ability to think, function, and carry on today’s necessary tasks.

In these moments… I realize… life can be downright painful.  Friends… sometimes… fail us… reject us.  Relationships are hard… heart wrenching… impossible.

In the heartache… I realize… we are all a bunch of sinful people… trying to serve a Holy God.

In these moments… I realize… people will hurt us.  Friends will betray us.  Relationships will inflict deep pain.

In the heartache… I pray, “God, help me understand!”

In these moments of pain… I realize “I am a sinful person!”

I too realize… I too have inflicted deep wounds into souls.  I too have proven unloving.

Is there any hope?  In the midst of the pain… failed friendships… broken relationships?  In a world where we humans go around sinning, hurting others, and living for ourselves, is there any hope?

God speaks into heart… the gentle and comforting words I lightly tap onto keyboard in front of me… “Sweet child… {The Hope} you desperately seek, lies where my heart ached the most, at the foot of the cross, where I shed my blood for you.  {All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.}  {Bear with each other and forgive one another… forgive one another.} Daughter, people will hurt you… You will hurt people… Friendships will fail… Relationships will break… Put your faith in me {the one who will never let you down}… and continually forgive.  Forgive with the love, mercy, and grace I have bestowed upon you!  Bring me your broken heart, your failed friendships, your broken relationships, and all your pain… for I care for you!  Daughter, I can’t promise a painless life, forever friendships, or perfect relationships…. I can promise this… “I will always be with you… ready to comfort your aching heart… ready to carry your through the pain of life and heart ache.  Sweet child, I love you… just the way you are!”

Peace washes over me… The tenseness within my muscles… slowly dissipates…  The pain is suddenly… bearable… My breathing… calmed… The tears have ceased falling from my eyes.

New understanding is released through the gentle typing on the keyboard in front of me.

Life will at times prove painful… but God will ALWAYS prove faithful.

This is the hope… I desperately seek.

“Friends, life is hard!  God never promised it would be easy!  As God whispers peace, love, and understanding into my heart… peace has replaced hurt… hope has replaced defeat… understanding has replaced confusion.

Life will sometimes be painful… but God will ALWAYS be faithful.

This is the hope… I desperately seek.”