My First Love

The house is completely quiet, the children are in bed, and loneliness is setting in.   Seven days without the love of my life beside me… is taking a toll.  He’s been traveling abroad… His side of the bed is empty…  My heart longs for his closeness, for the tender touch of his hand through my hair, and the comfort of his presence.  He’s my best friend, {my favorite person}, the one who knows my deepest and darkest secrets, the one I can always talk to, the one I know always has my back, the one who considers my needs above his own… he’s my high school sweet heart… the love of my life!  As my heart yearns for the arms of my husband… I recall my first love.

Prior to my heart belonging to the love of my life, my husband, it belonged to my Heavenly Father.

Throughout high school, I recall the familiar feeling of loneliness.  In those lonely moments of my youth, I found peace and comfort of God’s love!  There were moments in my youth when I {literally} felt no one loved me, let alone felt cherished or fully accepted for {me}.. for who I was.  Many nights, I cried myself to sleep!  That feeling of intense loneliness ran deep and it interfered with my ability to sleep.  I was slapped with a diagnosis of {insomnia}…  Yet, I knew it wasn’t insomnia… it was a broken, battered, and lonely heart… simply longing for someone to love me.  The intense pain of loneliness kept me awake at night and it physically hurt.  Many of you reading this blog post, will not understand the depth of such intense pain. However, some of you know it all to well!  Some of you have lost a loved one, a spouse or a child, and every night you enter the bed only to be wakened by intense grief, loneliness, and despair!  Regardless, of the cause of your pain, I learned an important lesson during my dark moments of the soul…

{Lesson}… God is near the broken hearted!

Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

It’s true!  When I was stuck deep in a bottomless pit, feeling lonely and hopeless, God became real to me… He taught me what love was… he whispered and guided my aimless spirit… and comforted me during those dark and lonely hours.

As a teenager, I recall lying in my bed, feeling such intense loneliness and pain, I {literally} felt death was the only answer to my pain!  Night after night, I longed for the pain to end… to be loved… and to feel like a {somebody}.  Each night, when my spirit was broken and lonely, God became my comfort and source of love!  I remember, my pillow soaked from tears… asking God to hold me and put his arms around me… he {did}.  Friends, God physically held me!  Within moments of asking God to hold me, I would feel a warmth wash over my body… and I would slowly drift off.

What I learned in my brokenness… is… God is {certainly} near the broken hearted!

Friends, God has performed miraculous healing within the depths of my spirit!  The {healing} all began in those moments, when God held me and began healing the heart of a broken, abandoned, and heart broken young girl.  His love is real… it’s unconditional, it’s life-altering, it’s forever, it’s healing, and it’s comforting!

This particular night, many years later, my heart longs to be near my husband, lover, & best friend… I am thankful for extra time to spend with my {first love}… my Heavenly Father!  Tonight, reading God’s word, raising my voice in the form of worship songs, and lifting my voice in fervent prayer, has completely fulfilled my soul!

The one that taught my heart to love…  The loving God who blessed this lonely young girl, with the man of my dreams… a man who loves me unconditionally and is {always} there to warm me on cold nights, hold me when I cry, and lead me to the foot of the cross!

Tonight, I am thankful for the {temporary} loneliness that lead me back to… {my first love}!!!

Tonight, I’m thankful that I will be reunited in a few short days…  with my best friend and love of my life!

 

Revelation 2:4 “”But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first!”

 

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