One day ago…  I celebrated my 36th birthday!  A day later…  I sit an ponder the overwhelming love I felt by my husband, children, family members, and friends.  My husband…  Portrayed his love for me in so many tender ways, allowing me to sleep in, saying “Happy Birthday”, right at 12:00 a.m., taking me to lunch, and making me a beautiful candle lit dinner!  In general his attentiveness and attention towards me was beautiful! Sharing our love together, in celebration of the day I was born, was an astounding blessing!  Our marriage is not perfect, we have our share of self-centered disagreements, desires, and motivations! However, in a world obviously lacking the meaning of true intimate love, our love is absolutely perfect!  There is no love more beautiful, than a love of two people dedicated to loving and serving a Holy God together!

My children…  Awaken to a desire to celebrate.  Some of their eagerness could be due to the anticipation of the evening cake and candles, but it was so much more.  Four little people from my very womb…  Their hugs reveal a new level of tenderness.  A desire to serve their momma.  A special gleam in their eyes!  These little ones really really love me!  My heart be still!

Special phone calls from family members and friends…  Just saying, “Happy Birthday!  I love you!”  Speaks hidden volumes of meaning into my soul… “Your birthday is special…  Because “YOU ARE SPECIAL!”  Simple Facebook messages, text messages, and e-mails…  All in an attempt to say, “Your loved!”

I felt loved!  I felt treasured!  I felt special!  

Today’s blog post is dedicated to saying…  “Thank You!”

Thank you Robert (Husband), Robby, Christopher, Daniel, & Caroline (Children), family members, text messengers, card senders, and Facebook messengers for your “Happy Birthday” accolades and sentiments!

Thank you for making me feel loved…  treasured…  special… and important!

I forward Paul’s writing to each and every one of you, who made me feel loved and special on my 36th Birthday…

Philippians 1:2-6, “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!  I thank God every time I remember you.  In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

I Love You All!

Blessings,

Crystal

If your like me, you like to know that you have control over circumstances, people, and events that happen in your life.  If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it is that I have “very little” control!  The past few weeks have proven this true.  Things continue happening all around me, leaving me feeling helpless!  

My grandmother fell and had 8 staples in her head.  My grandmother’s body is aging, growing feeble, and the realization that her time on Earth is nearing it’s end, is heartbreaking.  I can’t make her body better!  I can’t keep her from falling!  I can’t make her memory not forget!  I have no control!  

I can’t make my child’s speech teacher, who has helped my son tremendously, remain at her job!  She has proven over the past year to be an invaluable resource in helping my child.  Once again, I have no control!  

I can’t force my professor to do his job correctly, thus causing extra hardship and stress on my life!  It’s out of my control!  

As I sit here struggling with things I have no control over, I ponder, “What can I control?”  Pondering the areas where I have some control, doesn’t make me feel much better.  

I could eat well, workout, and give my all to losing weight, but “ultimately” I can’t control the scale.  I can call my grandma everyday, I can drive the 5 hours home to check on her, but I can’t control her health conditions.  

I can look for a different therapist for my son, I can walk him through the disappointment of saying goodbye to someone he’s grown to care about, and I can find him another therapist, but I can’t control his inevitable sadness.

I can complain to the university about the lack of determination on my professor’s part to do his job, but I can’t make him do his job properly. 

This is down-right depressing, I know what your thinking!  I am thinking the same thing…

As I sit here, I begin thinking, well than, “{What can I do?}… 

Friends, It all comes down to one word….  {TRUST}.  

It’s all I’ve got…  My {faith}!  

I can trust in God!  I can pray!  I can ask God for guidance!  I can ask Him to protect my grandmother.  I can pray for his guidance, for his comfort, and for his peace!  

Philippians 4:4-7 states, “Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Wow, It’s as if God is speaking this directly to me.  Actually, He is!  He is speaking these words to each and everyone of us!  He knew this life would prove difficult!  He knew we were weak!  He knew our hearts would be broken!  He knew {WE NEEDED} Him!

Today, I am thankful for God’s word, speaking directly into my weary heart, just when I need Him the most!  He’s always there!  He is strong enough to {control} our load!  He never expected us to carry our loads alone.  

Today, I am handing my weary load over to Him.  I am placing my heart, marriage, my children, my grandmother, and my schooling in His hands!  I will seek Him for guidance and peace!  I will relinquish my human desire to {control}.  I will {TRUST}!

Blessings,

Crystal 

My house is sooooooo quiet.  In a 2,000 square foot house with four children, silence really stands out!  This morning I woke up at 4:30, I just WOKE up!  Wide awake at 4:30 a.m.!!!  I laid in bed and tried with all my might to fall back into deep sleep, but all my attempts failed.  Thus, I got out of bed, made a cup of coffee, and was suddenly filled with utter peace.  Looking around my silent house, the knowledge that the 5 people I love the most are healthy and blissfully ASLEEP, fills my heart with complete gratitude.  

This awesome peace I feel at this very minute, stands out as a symptomatic response of true healing in my life!  You see, my childhood was quite painful.  At the age of 15, I found Jesus in a little Baptist Church down the street from my home.  Shortly after meeting Jesus, God allowed me to move out of my childhood home, into a wonderful family’s home from my church.  Once I was removed from my childhood home environment, the realization of the damage of many years of abuse and neglect, hit me like a Tsunami.  In all honesty, it shook my world!  This peace I feel at this moment, was not a feeling I EVER felt in my childhood, teenage years, or even my early adult life!  

God has healed my childhood hurts in abundant doses!  As a child, teen, or young adult, I could have NEVER imagined the peace I feel at this moment!  

I’m thankful God awakened me at 4:30 a.m.!  This morning as my husband and four children, sleep blissfully in their beds, my heart is wide awake, praising the Father for the peace, for the joy, for the victory, I’m feeling on this darkened pre-sunrised morning!

Dear Father in Heaven,

My heart is awakened to the peace that is only found through an intimate relationship with you!  Lord, I praise you for the joy, the peace, the love in my heart and in my home!  I thank you for healing my wounded heart!  I thank you for making yourself so very real to me in the midst of my brokenness!  I thank you for changing the direction of my life at the early age of 15.  I praise you this morning!  Thank you for awakening my spirit to arise and once again REALIZE the healing that has taken root in the pit of my heart!  The healing only found through your love!  Thank you Lord, for literally plucking me out of a life destined for dysfunction!  Thank you for allowing my pain and thank you for turning my ashes into beauty!  You are AMAZING!

Blessings, 

Crystal 

I love this song by Fernando Ortega!  I hope you take a moment to listen to this amazing song!  I sing this song in praise to the Father! Click and praise the Holy Father with me!  

Give Me Jesus

In the morning when I rise,

In the morning when I rise,

in the morning when I rise,

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

You can have all this world,

but Give me Jesus!

And when I am alone!

Oh, and when I am alone!

And when I am alone!

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

You can have all this world,

but give me Jesus!

And when I come to die!

And when I come to die!

And when I come to die,

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

Give me Jesus!

You can have all this world,!

You can have all this world!

You can have all this world, 

but Give me Jesus!

 

This afternoon, my little girl and I went shopping at Target.  We both LOVE Target!  As we walked to the car, her little tired eyes began to get the best of her.  I gently buckled her in her seat.  At this point, I usually buckle her and tell her what a good girl she was in the store, kiss her cheek, and look her big blue eyes, and tell her “I love her!”  I suppose, she’s figured out my routine…  Before, I could say anything, she say’s, “I love me!”  You can imagine how cute she was hugging her baby doll, and saying, “I Love me!”

A few thoughts came to me, as I got in the car and headed home.

1.)  How happy and proud I am that my little girl loves herself!  More than anything, I want her to grow up knowing she is deeply loved, by God, me, daddy, and her three brothers. I want her to love herself!

2.)  Why do I never say, “I love me!”, to myself?  Okay… So if I ran around saying, “I love me!”, people would think I was nuts.  However, God loves me!  So, I should love myself.

Me being Mrs. Analytical, I began pondering and praying…  “Lord, why is it that the words, “I love me”, sound utterly ridiculous?  God didn’t give me any profound wisdom, but I thought to myself, “This sounds like a good question for my blogger friends!”

Friends,

What do you think about telling ourselves, “I Love me!”  Do you think it is okay to tell ourselves we “actually” love ourselves?  If not, Why?  Is it a process of our spiritual walks, learning what it means to love ourselves?  Maybe it’s hard to really love ourselves, because we all REALY know our innards the true state of our heart?  Is it possible that we are too hard on ourselves?

For today’s blog…  I want to hear from you!  What do you think?  I would really appreciate your input, I think God can teach us a lot through an open forum about…  “What does it mean to love ourselves?”

What do you think?

Blessings,

Crystal

Standing in Walmart, waiting to check out, my first son began screaming bloody murder.  I was a new mother, my little man was 5 months old, in an attempt to make him happy I began using all the tools in my “mommy” tool box.  Let me just say…  My first son was… one tough baby and toddler.  He was strong-willed, beyond the definition of “strong-willed”.  Calming this child when he was mad, was never an easy task.  Standing there in the check-out lane, I began bouncing my little one in an attempt to calm his wailing screams.  At that moment, a middle aged woman walked up to me and said, “You know that it’s not good to bounce your child up and down!  Bouncing them hurts their belly.  Right now your actually making that baby cry!”  Let me just say, I was beside myself!  I didn’t say a word, I just walked out to the car, strapped my screaming son into his car seat, and sat behind the steering wheel and bawled.  

Sitting in Bible study a few days ago, the women in the room were discussing the way God knows each one of us individually, and knows how to guide, direct, and comfort each one toward their own individual bent.  

My mind flashed back to that moment, almost 12 years ago, when that rude woman sent me to my car bawling.  It was as if the Lord, was sitting right there next to me.   He spoke such profound wisdom into my heart.  “Remember that time, that woman in Walmart, who told you, your baby was crying because you were bouncing him?”  In my heart, (not out loud in the group), I responded, “Yes!”  God spoke these words into my very soul, “Crystal, You know your child more than anyone else in the world!  You knew how to calm him back then and you still know “best” how to calm him when he is upset.  Crystal, you know how to calm your babies!  That’s a unique and special bond I’ve given to a mother and a child!  Crystal, Guess what?”  Thinking to myself, I responded, “What?”  God whispered into my soul, “I am your bouncer!  I know how to calm you in away, no other person, place, or thing ever will!”

Let me just say…  Tears welled up in my eyes and as I shared with the women in the group.  I told the women in the study what God spoke into my heart! 

Today, friends I ask you…  Is God your bouncer?  Do you allow God to comfort and pacify your soul?  Do you head to God when you are sad, hurting, or afraid?  Do you allow God to use the special tools he alone knows, to calm and satisfy your needs?  

Or do you head to worldly and temporary misfits, such as food, drugs, sex, shopping… you fill in the blank____________?  All in an attempt to satisfy your needy spirit?  

We are all guilty to some degree, of seeking fulfillment outside of God’s comforting hands.  

I want to learn to sprint to the Lord, when my heart is in dire need of comfort.  As I learn this vital lesson and dependence on God, maybe I’ll begin to notice changes in my life…  Maybe the scale will begin dropping unwanted pounds, my debt will decrease (thus making a happier hubby), codependent relationships will cease, and I will be fully satisfied.

Friends, let me ask you again, “Is God your bouncer?”

Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Philippians 4:6: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done”.

 

Blessings, Crystal

This morning…  I drove a good friend and her family to the airport.  Goodbyes certainly don’t come without sadness!  The drive was early and as I pulled into my garage, the sun was just starting to peak into existence.  Walking into the house I was ecstatic that my husband and children were still in bed, so I hopped into bed next to my hubby and fell right to sleep.  My husband is the BEST and got up with the kids so I could get a little more sleep.  My room can be quite dark, when the blinds are closed and the curtains pulled shut it’s like night.  Makes for a good sleeping atmosphere.  After sleeping off my sleepiness, I hopped out of bed, pulled open the darkened curtains in my room, and opened the blinds.  As I twirled the rod, the vibrant sun rays poured into my face!  I stood there in the Sun, soaking up the life-giving beams of God’s natural light.  As I stood there and thanked God for the sun on this -9 degree day, I literally soaked in the moment, the warmth of the rays, and actually had to eventually force myself to walk away from the window.

As I stood in the window, with the sun providing a spotlight covering over my body, I realized how much this moment was indicative of my relationship with God.  God like the sun is the source of energy and strength for the world, for my weary soul, and my life-giving breath.  I need the rays of the Sun for survival on this Earth, I need the life-giving radiant love of God to face each day!  Basking in the sun, is exemplary of the warmth I feel igniting in my soul in the presence of the Holy Father!  

How could I not smile in the midst of a moment of pure and awesome peace?

How could I not lift my hands to the Father in praise of His mighty creation?

Analogy?  

The sun is a depiction of God’s characteristics.  The sun is warming…  The sun is powerful…  The sun is overwhelming…  The sun is mighty…  The sun is warmth to our bodies…  We can’t possibly thrive physically without the sun.

God is the creator of the sun!  His love is warming…  His love is powerful…  His love is overwhelming…  His love is mighty…  His love warms our souls…  We can’t possibly thrive without His love.

Friends, take a moment today to soak up the Sun rays and feel His warmth from the inside out…  Take a moment to soak up God’s overwhelming love!

Blessings, Crystal

“Thank you Lord for the special little (BIG) moments in life!  These moments we so often take for granted.  However, when we recognize your gift of these special moments, we are filled with the peace of You!” 

Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh SI live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

 

 

Caroline fell in love with these two Barbie dolls at Target yesterday.  These are her first Barbie dolls!  We opened the box after her nap and she played with the dolls for 24 hours straight.  The Barbie’s are now a close second to her favorite baby doll, Baby Grace!  She immediately took to the dolls, referring to the Barbie as “Mommy” and the little girl Barbie as “Caroline”.

Caroline, has no doubt that her mommy is as beautiful as this Barbie.  All the while, I’m thinking, “I’m not Barbie, trust me!  I look nothing like that doll!  What I would give to have the body of that Barbie doll!”  As I tear myself to shreds comparing myself to this Barbie doll, my daughter isn’t thinking any of my self-defeating thoughts.  As a result of watching my sweet girl playing with these Barbie dolls, I realized my daughter doesn’t see my aging skin, the extra pounds, or my wrinkled skin.  All she see’s is beauty!  She loves me unconditionally!  As I write this I wipe a few tears away, as I recognize the depth of the bond between a mother and a daughter.   

Be still my heart!  

This beautiful depiction of two Barbie dolls being hand-puppetted around at the fingers of a sweet two year old girl, simply melts my heart!

Seeing her genuine love and adoration for her mother, makes me want to be the most Godly mother possible.  She makes me want to be healthy, emotionally whole, and kind-hearted!  

As my heart is overflowing with love…  I praise God for His beauty in our lives!

Lord, Thank you for the blessing of my daughter!  I cherish every song we sing, tea cup we share, hug embraced, butterfly kisses at night, and the admiration in her eyes to be just like her mommy!  I thank you for this time, to be able to interact with her in such simple and tender manners.  Lord, help me to hold these joyful memories, deep within my heart, soul, and memory!  Help me to always remember these special moments!  Most of all Lord, help me to be a Godly mother!  I want nothing more for my little girl to see “You” when she looks at me!  I want to teach her how to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Lord, I will fail!  I do everyday!  However, Lord I pray you cover me in grace as I mother this true gift crafted in such beauty by the molding of your hands!  Lord, all I have to say is, “Wow!”  You are awesome!

Your Daughter, Crystal (Mother to Sweet Caroline)

A true picture of my daughter and I.  So much more beautiful than two Barbie dolls!

 

This past March I heeded the calling of the Lord, leading me into Christian counseling.  In March I began taking courses in the process of earning a graduate degree.  Yesterday, I began taking two new courses, this would make my 8th and 9th course.  As I sit here this afternoon, feeling the all too familiar “fears and anxieties” associated with the beginning of new classes, I realize my utter dependence on God for strength.  I recall his initial heeding, His gentle and relentless tug on my heart, and His guidance throughout the application process and the overwhelming anxiety I felt as I began this “huge” endeavor in the first place.  I remember my personal counselor saying, “Crystal, don’t try to walk through all the doors at once.  God will open one door at a time.  The other doors are closed, until God calls you to enter through them”  

I keep following, trusting, and have observed these predestined doors being opened at just the right time.  However, at the start of each new class, I feel the doubt of Paul, when he walked on the water…  I feel like Moses, being called to guide the Israelites out of Egypt, I relate to Noah running from Neneveh. Today… the doubt, fear, and anxiety has been working overtime as I overlook the course requirements, papers, and quizzes.  This fear is real, it maintains the potential to scare me off running.  Satan is sly like that…  It amazes me how he will go to all extents to scare us away from obeying God’s call!  Satan “certainly” does not want me guiding hurting sheep to the unconditional love of the cross.  

Will I allow Satan to scare me out of God’s calling over my life?  Will I allow Satan to make me a quitter?  

I WILL obey God!  I WILL cry out to Him in my despair!  I WILL seek needed strength from God’s unending pool!  I will call out to Him for help!  I WILL “Trust and Obey”!  For there’s no other way!

Deuteronomy 13 & 14 “It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him”

1 Peter 4:11 “If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

Dearest Father in Heaven,

      I thank you for your love and guidance!  Lord, I know I am following in many of your servant’s footsteps and cowering in fear.  Lord, I need your help!  I need your peace!  I need your wisdom!  I need you to help me to accomplish the next task you’ve set before me!  Lord, I know I am frail, not smart enough, and I need you to guide me!  Like so many who’ve gone before, I am completely reliant on you to walk this path with me.  Lord, be my strength!  

Your Beloved Daughter, 

Crystal