The Flame Within

This has been on my heart lately.
We say things like, “I prayed about it, and God told me no.”
Or, “God led me in a different direction.”

But sometimes… if we’re honest… it wasn’t God.
It was us.

Recently, I reached out to a therapist about working with one of my children. She later responded that after praying about it, she felt led not to take them on and instead wanted to work with a different type of client and age group. This was extremely hurtful and the message to many who struggle to understand how the real voice of God works is, “God didn’t want you to work with me or my loved one.”

To be clear, the clinical decision didn’t bother me. Therapists should absolutely work within their scope and with the populations they feel equipped to serve.

But what didn’t sit right with me was this:

God was used as the reason.
And this happens all the time.
We attach God’s name to our preferences.
We place Him behind our boundaries.
We use spiritual language to soften discomfort, avoid conflict, or remove responsibility.

And sometimes, if we go even deeper…

People say, “God told me…” when what they really mean is, “This is what I want.”

When we want to follow our flesh, justify a decision, or avoid accountability, it can be easy to put God’s name on it. But when our choices consistently don’t reflect the fruit of the Spirit, we have to pause and ask… is this really God?

Because once someone says, “God told me,” it often shuts everything down.
It ends the conversation.
It removes room for wisdom, counsel, and discernment.
And that’s dangerous.
I’ve seen this misused in deeply harmful ways.

I’ve heard of abused women being told, “God told you to go back to your husband and suffer for Christ.”
I’ve seen people pressured into church roles because “God told you to do this.”
I’ve had clients come in convinced that God told them to make major life decisions that were not aligned with His character.
And I’ve also sat with clients who believed God made it “abundantly clear” that they were supposed to leave their spouse… outside of the reasons Scripture gives.
That matters.

Because God’s voice will never contradict His character.
Yes, God hates divorce, and Scripture gives specific, weighty circumstances where separation may occur. But we have to be very careful not to put God’s name on decisions that are driven by pain, desire, or confusion rather than truth.

At the same time, let me say this clearly:

God does not call people to remain in abuse.

Ever.

Telling someone to stay in harm’s way and attaching God’s name to it is not only spiritually harmful, it is dangerous.

This is why discernment matters.

God is not a cover for our choices.

He is not responsible for every “no” we give.

And He is not the author of confusion when people are left trying to untangle what He actually said.

There is nothing wrong with saying:
“I’m not the best fit.”
“I don’t feel equipped.”
“This isn’t within my scope.”
“This is the decision I’m making.”

That is honest.
That is ethical.
That is enough.

We don’t need to spiritualize everything to make it valid.
As believers, we carry the weight of representing God’s character.

And when we casually attach His name to decisions that are really our own, we risk distorting how others see Him.
Especially those who are already hurting.
Especially those who are already struggling to trust.
God’s voice is sacred.
Let’s not use it to avoid owning our own.

—Reflection—

Have you ever felt confused or hurt because someone said, “God told me…”?
Have you ever felt the pressure to say it yourself to make a decision feel more certain or more accepted?
What would it look like to slow down, seek wise counsel, and take ownership of your decisions—while still humbly inviting God into them?

—-Discernment & Testing What Is Truly from God—

1 John 4:1
“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God…”

• Not every “God told me” is actually from God.

Proverbs 14:12
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

• Our feelings and desires can feel right… and still be wrong.

God’s Character & Consistency
1 Corinthians 14:33
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…”

*If what’s being said in His name creates confusion, pressure, or harm… pause.

Galatians 5:22-23
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

*If the “direction” doesn’t reflect this fruit, it’s worth questioning the source.

Accountability & Ownership
Matthew 12:36
“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”

• That includes saying, “God told me…” when He didn’t.

Blessings, Crystal Ridlon, LPC