The Flame Within

“You Have to Feel It, To Heal It”

One of the greatest misconceptions I see in counseling is the belief that healing comes from avoiding our feelings.

Many of us learned early in life that feelings are inconvenient. They are uncomfortable. They make other people uncomfortable. They feel vulnerable, messy, and sometimes even dangerous.

So we push them down.

We distract.
We stay busy.
We numb.
We minimize.
We tell ourselves we’re fine.

Unfortunately, feelings do not disappear simply because we ignore them. They go underground.

What is not expressed often gets stored in the body.

The anxiety that is never acknowledged becomes chronic tension.
The grief that is never mourned becomes depression.
The fear that is never processed becomes hypervigilance.
The anger that is never spoken becomes bitterness or shame.
Unmanaged and unprocessed emotions become physical health concerns.

As therapists often say: You have to feel it to heal it.

Yet many Christians have been taught the exact opposite.

Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed the message that if we have enough faith, we should not feel anxious. If we trust God, we should not feel sad. If we are spiritually mature, we should not struggle with fear, grief, disappointment, or overwhelm.

The problem is that this idea is not found in Scripture. It is a man made concept created by individuals who have used their religion as a means of deflecting true emotions and pushing them down. This is unhealthy and does great harm to the individual. In fact, the people who practice this type of coping, often push this coping mechanism onto those they love. This process causes great pain for individuals and creates a sense and lack of emotional safety in relationships.

In fact, nearly every page of the Bible is filled with people experiencing very real emotions.

David cried out in despair:

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:5)

Elijah became so overwhelmed after his victory on Mount Carmel that he sat down under a tree and asked God to let him die (1 Kings 19:4).

Jeremiah is often referred to as the “weeping prophet.”

Job grieved deeply.

The Psalms are filled with fear, anger, confusion, sorrow, loneliness, joy, hope, and celebration.

God did not rebuke His people for having feelings.

He met them in their feelings.

Even Jesus experienced deep emotions.

Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35).

He felt compassion for the crowds (Matthew 9:36).

He experienced righteous anger in the temple (Matthew 21:12-13).

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Scripture says:

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:38)

Luke tells us that His distress was so intense that His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground (Luke 22:44).

Jesus did not deny His feelings.

He expressed them.

He shared them.

He invited others into them.

He brought them to His Father.

Notice that Jesus did not sin by having emotions. He modeled what healthy emotional processing looks like.

He felt them.

He acknowledged them.

He surrendered them.

The goal of healing is not to stop having feelings.

The goal is to learn how to experience them safely.

Feelings are not weaknesses.

Feelings are information.

They tell us when something matters.
They tell us when something hurts.
They tell us when something needs attention.
They tell us when our hearts are carrying burdens we were never meant to carry alone.

When we suppress emotions, they often become louder.

When we listen to them with curiosity and compassion, they often begin to soften.

This is true spiritually and psychologically.

Healing requires honesty.

God is not asking you to pretend.

He is inviting you to come as you are.

With the anxiety.
With the sadness.
With the grief.
With the fear.
With the anger.
With the overwhelm.

All of it.

Because what is brought into the light can be healed.

What is hidden tends to stay wounded.

You have to feel it, to heal it.

—- Reflection ——

What feelings have I been avoiding lately?

What emotion feels unsafe for me to experience?

Where did I learn that certain feelings were unacceptable?

If Jesus could experience grief, sorrow, distress, and compassion without sin, what would it look like for me to give myself permission to feel?

Today, can I spend five quiet minutes simply noticing what I am feeling without judging it?

Can I bring that feeling honestly before God?

—- A Final Thought ——

A significant part of counseling involves learning to recognize the good within yourself, acknowledging your growth, and treating yourself with kindness rather than criticism.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us that changing the way we think can change the way we feel.

Internal Family Systems reminds us that even our protective parts developed for a reason. Rather than attacking them, we can approach them with gratitude and gentle curiosity, thanking them for trying to keep us safe.

Healing rarely happens through harsh judgment.

Healing happens when truth and compassion meet.

The God who created your emotions is not intimidated by them.

Bring them to Him.

Feel them.

Process them.

And allow Him to heal what has been hurting all along.

Blessings, Crystal Ridlon, LCMHC