"All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Today, I took some space and time to get away from everyday living and escape to the lake for a few hours. It is so interesting, how God is present, I mean really present, All I have to do is just step away from the distractions that cause angst in my spirit. Why do I wait so long to escape into the solitude of God’s presence? Why must I endure night after night of restless sleep, to recognize I need to disconnect from the world, just long enough to regroup into finally resting in the arms of God. I need thee every hour! So easy to forget this and maintain the fleshly response of anxious and busyness!
One thing I am thankful for, is that when I do finally get to the end of myself, God is always waiting with open arms! ALWAYS! I can truly find rest in Him! The most amazing thing, is that it’s not only rest I find, but clarity, wisdom, understanding, peace, and a calm spirt. This is the primary reason I know there is a God, because when I come to Him with open arms; He does something miraculous in my heart! He heals it! Over and over again, He lovingly heals my heart! He never judges me or casts me away. My God is always there to receive me and speak to my heart; But only when my heart fully surrenders and I am ready to fully collapse into his presence.
Friends, God loves you! If you’re finding yourself stressed, filled with fear, angst, uncertainty and confusion. When the pressure of this world overwhelm your spirit; Run into His presence. Fully and completely! I promise: God will perform a miracle in your soul; There will be no confusion, because your spirit will know His presence and feel at home; truly at home with Him. Even in the midst of a world in turmoil, a country in strife, a family in chaos, a stressful work environment, financial or relationship stressors, we can find true rest in God’s presence.
Mathew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Robert Ridlon my oldest son and I attended my Uncle Vincent’s burial yesterday. This took us to my city of birth. It was an emotional roller coaster to see how things have drastically changed over the years. The land, the closeness, and the people present are vastly different since I was a little girl. Visiting the family cemetery was especially sad! So many loved ones have been laid to rest in the cemetery over generations and I found myself flooded with grief from many different directions. My sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins laid to rest in this place. All this was a reminder of how quickly time flies and yet we live like we have forever! We don’t! The Bible says our life is life a breeze just passing through. Yet, we fail to make time to visit loved ones, attend reunions, we hold long grudges, and fail to cherish those we love. I am guilty of these things and struggle through life just like everyone else. Life is hard! Family can be joyful, but they also have the ability to hurt us at the deepest level. To protect our pocket books, time, and feelings we fail to show up. It’s a heavy and sad fact, but it’s the truth! Life is a vapor; Here today and gone tomorrow! This biblical truth hit me square in the heart over the past several days.
Sitting here this evening after a heavy week of loss; Losing our family dog, another uncle, and visiting the city where I was born and spent much of my childhood. I’m reminded of how much more I’ve lost over the years. Sadly, we don’t have a close knit family. I wish we did! Some are closer than others. My aunts and uncles, my mom’s brothers and sisters, there were 14 in total and 9 lived into adulthood, they all had a deep bond. Years of listening to their stories helped me feel like I have a solid understanding of my roots.
Perhaps this is the way it is with many families. The reality makes me sad, but I’m reminded in these places and times of how much we have in common. Not only do we share blood lines & DNA, but we share memories that no one else in the world shares. We share love for loved ones! We share a genuine affection for a plot of land in Arkansas that means so much to each one of us, where we all grew up playing and because it is the land of our heritage. We share the same God who created us, although our faith and life circumstances are may be vastly different.
There are many things I still don’t understand about family; but there are a few things I know without a doubt. Distance, age difference, life experiences have a huge impact on family relationships. When we grow distant; we fail to grow together. This is a fact of life! This doesn’t mean failure, it is just a part of life! I was never meant to remain in my birth town for life, it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I am thankful for God’s hand over my life. I am thankful for the wonderful memories, and will cherish my extended family forever! Although, this trip brought cherished moments with loved ones, it also brought a heavy dose of sadness and what feels like an unwelcome sense of “finality” in many ways. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us; I do know the memories from the past and I am grateful to have been born in such an amazing family heritage.
I’m not even sure any of this makes sense, just trying to somehow write out the overwhelming feelings that seem to be flooding my heart this evening!
Blessings, Crystal
I’ll end with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs… It’s not a Christian song; but it’s a song I can relate to; maybe you can too.
Family is Family by Kacey Musgraves
“They’re there for your first year, they give you your first beer When you get your heart broke, they’re there for your worst year Don’t get you at all, but your apple don’t fall too far from ’em They own too much wicker and drink too much liquor You’d wash your hands of them, but blood’s always thicker You might look just like ’em, that don’t mean you’re like ’em But you love ’em Family is family, in church or in prison You get what you get, and you don’t get to pick ’em They might smoke like chimneys, but give you their kidneys Yeah, friends come in handy, but family is family They’re there when you’re married, divorced, and remarried You fall out of touch, but then someone gets buried And you’re right back together like no time has ever gone by Can’t live with or without ’em, you might talk about ’em But if someone else does, well, then you’ll knock ’em out ’cause When it’s all said and done, they’re the only ones that you got Family is family, in church or in prison You get what you get, and you don’t get to pick ’em They might smoke like chimneys, but give you their kidneys Yeah, friends come in handy, but family is family Yeah, family is funny, they’ll ask you for money Even though they know you ain’t got no money They show up at Christmas, get up in your business They might not be fancy, but family is family You might look just like ’em, that don’t mean you’re like ’em But you love ’em”
It’s truly a shame how people in the church turn their faces to misuse of power and mishandling of sexual abuse in the church. Sadly, I’ve witnessed it and the evilness is occurring right under their noses. They try their hardest to keep their distance from victims, all because it upsets their happy little sense of community. Even when it happens to their own children, they’ve swept it under the rug and allowed the abusive clergy to mishandle their abused child. Sadly, many congregants refuse to take a stand for other members facing this type of abuse in the church and even parents refuse to take a stand for their own children against abuse from perpetrators and against the clergy who mishandle abuse in the church. It’s evilness at its core. If it happens to one person in the church, it will happen to more and more until the congregation takes a stand!
Taking a stand “sadly” means a potential loss of community, so they tolerate and end up losing peace, joy, and their very own souls. When will more of God’s people arise to this issue of abuse in the church and take a stand like Jesus, David, Moses, Esther, and Ruth. Christianity was never meant to be easy, it’s always been about standing up for God’s righteousness with love, truth, and justice!
I am thankful for Dr. Diane Langberg who followed God and not the clergy and people in leadership attempting to lead her astray. These are the individuals of faith who positively impact God’s kingdom and who are most respected in the community of true believers! I’ve heard her speak many times and she reports that clergy are the least in attendance at all her speeches. Hmmm???
Follow God or follow the system? I will choose to follow God and not the system. Because God sacrificed his very own son for me and gives me earthly and eternal hope. The system sacrifices their own members to selfishly protect themselves. God is unconditionally loving, stands up for the abused, refuses to tolerate evil, and will never fail. The “system” protects the system and the leadership at the top of the system. It’s a sad situation, that breaks the heart of God!
Protecting ministries, destroying souls! Ouch!
What an truth bomb this is… Let it sink in! Who are you “really” serving? A system or God of Heaven and Earth? One day we will stand before our amazing and loving Heavenly Father, and we will give an account. He’s not only loving and full of mercy, but he is also a God of justice. Never forget this! We will face our maker one day… “How will you respond?”
Although, it feels I walk this path alone…. I am not alone! God is on the side of the righteous! Thankful there are amazing and truly God-fearing people, like Dr. Langberg, who are taking a stand against this atrocious evilness so deeply rooted in too many of our churches. There are truly God-fearing people in our churches, I pray they listen to the “still small voice” of God and take a stand against this evilness and support those impacted by the system. The system they follow who is acting in evilness and sadly destroying souls, all in the name of “ministry”. This is NOT God’s plan for ”The Bride of Christ”
The Church belongs to God.
There is no greater pain on Earth, than being victimized in the church and the church denying, abusing, harassing, ignoring, assaulting, stonewalling, and allowing the perpetrator to walk free and placing the victim in the place of the perpetrator.
In a world filled with “false news” there is truth coming through about the mishandling of sexual abuse in the church, and those in the church are turning their heads. All while the church dwindles away and we wonder why people of all ages are leaving the church. Because “sadly” the church all too often doesn’t look or act like Jesus! I can’t blame them, I refuse to follow hypocrites too. Too many pharisees in the church, make it extremely hard to find the true love, acceptance, righteousness, and love of God. It’s there, but in the face of this kind of evilness, the victims have an extremely difficult time finding the true Christ-followers. The people they thought were true Christ-followers disappear in the face of their greatest pain.
All the while, church attendance world-wide continues to drop. The church is too busy scratching their heads in shock, to seek God’s face to show us “why” and to humbly fall on our knees in repentance and ask God to show us how to remedy the situation. Instead, we are dumb sheep wandering around, following anything and everything but the shepherd “Lord, Jesus” himself. “We like sheep have gone astray!” Yet, our Savior lived and died for us! He left the 99 in search of the 1 lost sheep. I am truly grateful!
I’m reminded of a young girl who was being lead astray to a very evil and abusive group. I asked her “What does this group have to offer, that your church doesn’t?” She quickly responded with tears in her eyes “They accept me! I feel like I belong! My church rejects me, judges me, and I feel like an outcast!” I sat with tears in my eyes; The lost girl spoke profound truth and I couldn’t dispute her words, because I too have felt judged, rejected, abandoned, unwanted, and unprotected by the church. I sat there and responded “I know! It’s so hard! I’m sorry, it’s not the way God intended it to be!”
This evilness that has taken root in our church’s breaks God’s heart and “It’s not the way God intended!”
Will we take a stand against the mishandling of abuse in our churches? Or will we turn our heads to the pain and evilness and pay for it later, by God himself?
We are not here for ourselves! We are not on this earth for ourself! We are not in our churches for ourselves. We are here for God and to do His will and to be His vessels. Will we live for Jesus? I will!
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
Joshua 24:14 & 15 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Friends, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”
The pastor in church this morning challenged us with a question… “What is your confession?” Who do you think God is? Who do you love for? What do we really believe about who God is, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus,. What do we really believe about the baby born in a manger? Do we love out what we believe in our lives through obedience to God? Loving and pointing people to Him? I was challenged and touched by the reflective question. I’m praying about this and plan to journal about “My Confession” In my morning devotions tomorrow.
He stated he starts everyday off with his confessions in prayer to God! Before picking up our phones or even grabbing our coffee. Starting off the day focused on God! Confession about who God is! That Jesus is the son of God! How we will choose to live our lives because of what we know and believe about the Lord our Savior?
I was challenged to put God first in my day, before anything! And reminded of the meaning of Christmas celebrating the birth of Jesus… Our one true hope!
Friends, let’s talk about “control”. I know, it’s a sore topic for many reasons. Anyone know someone who you’ve called a “control freak”? I sure do! If I’m not careful, I can quickly move into a place of being controlling. In fact, when I fail to put God first in my life, I tend to be more moved to control. Why is this?
One thing I’ve learned in this life, is that none of us really have control. We actually don’t have control over anything. This is today’s heavy dose of truth. We can be helicopter parents and never let our kids out of our sight, but this doesn’t promise us healthy and well behaved kids. We can constantly check our spouses phones and harass them about “Who their talking to and where they’re at every moment?”, but this doesn’t promise a faithful spouse. We can buy people wonderful presents in the hopes that they stick around and love us, but it doesn’t promise true friendship. We can have fire alarms in every room and constantly check our outlets, but it doesn’t promise a fire won’t break out in our home. We can wear masks and get every vaccine in the world, but it doesn’t promise us we won’t get sick.
We can worry, worry, worry in this life; But it will not alter any outcomes. Sadly, many believe the “worrying” protects us from danger… But, all this does is make us anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and actually reveals that inside we feel completely out of control regarding our life circumstances. Do you know that “worrying” is simply us attempting to take control over what we feel is out of our control?
What are we to do in a world where we have limited control over what happens around us? I have the answers. Actually, God has the answers and I’ve borrowed these truths for this post.
We can trust God! We can rest knowing that He loves us, died for us, and our eternity is in His hands. We can rest knowing that… “We will face trials and pain on this Earth, but we will never endure a trial alone!” This is absolute fact! Even when we feel alone, we’re never alone! God is always with us! “God with us!”
The Bible says “In this world, you WILL face trials. But, take heart I have overcome the world!” God is always with us and he has already overcome sin and death on our behalf. We have this promise, no matter what we endure on this Earth.
We can trust thay God is watching over us and He cares about every detail of our life; our health, our marriages, our children, our relationships, our careers, our life choices and decisions, our needs, and even our desires. So often I’ve witnessed close calls in my life, my family’s lives, and that of my friends. God is watching over us! He really is! Pay attention to the everyday little miracles and protections. Write them down. In no time, we will begin to see clearly that God is present among us!
We can be wise stewards of our own life, our marriage, our children’s lives, our resources, and all that God has blessed us with. We can take care of our body’s and take care of the temple God has given us. We can put boundaries up in our marriage for an extra guard against temptation. We can be involved and present in our Children’s lives and put into place healthy boundaries in love. We can be loving, supportive, and encouraging friends. Who doesn’t want this? We can put into place a level of security by simply being wise over the blessings and resources we’ve been given.
These are the 3 things we can control! Praise God!
At the end of the day, even if we try to control our world’s, we have little control. The best way to ensure the best life… and it will never be an easy life, is to remain focused on God and remain close to Him. This is the recipe for a victorious life in Christ!
1 John 5:4 “for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.”
God provides an entire chapter that informs us how to overcome and face the lack of control in our lives. I am thankful for His word and the way it provides hope, assurance, and gives us the answers to every question and concern in our lives.
Ephesians 6:8-10 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”
We do have control over our lives… But it’s not the kind of control we usually implement into our lives. The control we have is to actively obey and love God and to do His will! We aren’t promised a pain free life, but we are absolutely promised a victorious life! A victorious life is a life lived in obedience, love, and admiration of our Lord and Savior!
Who doesn’t want a victorious life?
Friends, I pray this message was encouraging and uplifting to you! It’s a lesson I’m continually learning over and over and over again. When God is at the center of our lives, we are victorious, we are conquerers through Him! Let’s switch our need to control, to a need to love and serve God! There’s nothing better than the blessing of moving away from “controlling” to “conquerer”, through Christ! This is where true joy, peace, and contentment is found.
I so fear we’ve missed the mark as a society. Christmas is precious, a time of joy and remembrance of our Savior, the hope we have because of Jesus’s life and sacrifice. Now, we’re moving to selling evil and dark at Christmas? I’ve never seen evil in this manner marketed for Christmas… Maybe I just haven’t noticed. Sadly, I’m sure there’s a market for this… I choose to keep Jesus at the center of my heart and focus around the holidays! Jesus is the reason for the season!
Praying for our culture, that seems to have, to a large degree, lost the ability to see beauty, hope, and joy… Because, God has been removed from our school’s, homes, public institutions, and even from many of our “so-called” churches. This is the result…
Join me in bringing the hope of Jesus to the culture around you! My prayer is to be the light, the something different in a world that’s grown much darker and dim.
“Jesus, be with us and shine upon us! Thank you for the life you lived and the sacrifices you made for us, even those who’ve lost their way and have turned their faces away from you. I especially thank you for the ultimate sacrifice you made, dying on a painful cross to save a soul like me! Forgive us when we go astray and lead us back to you!
I’m not an artist by any means… Art isn’t only for artists. 😉
Art is beneficial for many aspects of life; Such as building creativity into one’s life and exercising the brain chemicals to help with long term memory and agility. Art is an amazing “healing” technique and that’s why art therapy is an actual psychology field. I’ve never learned much about art therapy, but it is a technique I use with clients occasionally. Especially, the clients who are naturally artistic.
Art is a wonderful coping skills for feelings of stress, trauma, anxiety, and depression. The act of creating actually shuts down the “amygdala – the flight or fight region of our brain, which when triggered sends adrenaline and epinephrine through the brain ensuring we remain stressed, tense, flooded, and anxious”. Art therapy shuts down the amygdala’s adrenaline rush and allows the prefrontal cortex to take back control, which calms naturally calms the nervous system. The process of art therapy allows participants to begin the process of healing, as it calms down the stress response in the brain. Art therapy is a wonderful way to help clients communicate when the words are too painful and their story is trapped beneath layers of brokenness and hurt. I’ve had clients create dances to help process pain and trauma and to write songs. Many different types of art can be healing for the soul.
Art was created by God and taught extensively throughout scripture.
“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8 ESV —-
God is the creator of us, His children. We are the clay and He is the potter, he so beautifully and wonderfully created each one of us.
“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1 NIV
He creates a beautiful sunrise and sunset every single day! God knew art and beauty would be healing and thus, He created the beauty of the sky.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8 ESV
God tells us to think and ponder about things that are beautiful and good. It’s like he knew “beauty and goodness” would be an tremendous Avenue for healing? Hint of Sarcasm 😉
Our family has endured a difficult and heart breaking situation and my Sweet Caroline still struggles and is having a hard time communicating her hurt in words. She’s 11 and this is quite normal for little ones. Therefore, God placed it on my heart to begin doing art with her and we’re going to begin painting as a way to achieve further healing. This is the first of many painting sessions to come. I am thankful for the gift of God and my sweet family. This little one is my best friend and I’m grateful for the special mother/daughter bond we share. She told me this evening as we painted and looking into my eyes, “Mom, I really like painting with you!” #bestillmyheart
*After completing my first painting, I observed my less than stellar art work and looked for meaning; I noticed the darkness of the tree / bush and the pops of color popping up behind and some have broken through. This painting is a fairly good depiction of my spirit – A difficult situation has created brokenness and pain in my spirit, but the joy is coming back and there is tremendous hope ahead in our future.
Trauma threatens our ability to see beauty and makes the world and everything in it feel dark and scary ~ But through Christ we have the promise of healing and that all will be made new. For this I am grateful!
Friends, if you’re struggling to overcome hardship, trauma, or finding yourself anxious and overwhelmed. Try taking up some form of art ~ painting, knitting, drawing, coloring, dance, writing, etc. I can almost guarantee it will help you feel better!
Sitting here at the pediatrician with my 17 year old son, who will be 18 in less than 2 months. The sound of an infant crying from down the hall, reminds me that 18 years has literally flown by. It brings tears to my eyes and I want to run down the hall and tell these new parents to “cherish” every single moment. I want to tell them how wonderful it is to be a parent and what an amazing blessing it is to walk with these little ones through the lifespan.
I want to tell them “The days are long, but the years are terribly short!” There will be some extremely difficult and scary moments along the way, there will be conflict and tension, there will be days they do not like you! But, it is so worth it! Every single minute is precious and is teaching them what it means to be human. To always love them, guide them, teach them about love and respect, listen to them, laugh with them, and that the seemingly small moments are the moments they will miss and cherish the most. Most importantly, teach your child about God! His love for them! They are precious, beloved, and have a special purpose on this Earth! They are a gift! You’re most precious gift!”
Because, it would be highly inappropriate for me to barge into the room with the infant… I will post my thoughts here!
Parents, cherish these moments! Raise your kids with intentionality, love, grace, and healthy boundaries! It’s hard work, the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it is so worth it! Seek wisdom from God, his word, pastors, counselors, books, mental health resources, it is worth it! “Seek and you will find! Knock and the door will be opened.” “Raise them up in the way they should go and when they are old they will never depart from it.”
“Anyone who seeks finds.” Parenting can be challenging, but seek seek seek and you will find the answers you need. Being a good parent requires continuous prayer and seeking! And… loving well! Love and boundaries set out of love! Love them the way God loves us! Enjoy the process! Time flies! 😢
I love the ocean. It always calms my spirit and God speaks to my spirit in the most profound manner in this place. The power of the ocean, reminds me of the unconditional power of God! The control of the ocean reminds me that God is in control of every aspect of our lives. One thing I always tell my kids when we’re at the beach, I’m reminded this very moment of this truth, as my two kids seem to be going a little too far out, always respect the ocean. It’s power is something we should never underestimate, ignore, or play around with. Respect the boundaries of the sea, for it is powerful and the boundaries of safety are vital to an enjoyable beach trip. In the same way, we should revere God! Only, our respect and love for God should be so much greater! God doesn’t give us boundaries to hurt us, or steal away our fun. The boundaries are there to protect us and to lead us into the most enjoyable and wonderful life! A life that is sold out for Christ!
It is in this place that God speaks to my troubled soul. It is here he gives clear guidance and life direction. It is here I am able to open up a broken, hurt, and closed off spirit. I can lift my arms in this place in worship to the God I serve with all my being. I ask my Father, my Daddy, to pick me up! To hold me in His arms! To comfort His little girl! The most beautiful thing, is the way He shows up in this place! He reminds this troubled heart that He’s in control of all things. Not only, is He working to heal our broken hearts in the midst of a significant life trial. He is working all things out for our good, there is victory in all suffering His children endured in the life.
In this place, standing next to the waves rolling in one after another, which such awesome power and control. He also reminded me that He’s in direct control over those who misuse their spiritual power, who act in evilness, and who disobey God’s calling for the purpose of power, prestige, and reputation. He sees all the pain caused to innocent people, by those who call themselves shepherds. He reminds me in this place, that the battle doesn’t belong to me. This is a Holy battle that he’s been fighting long before it came into our midst. It is here I am finally able to rest my weary spirit. It is here I can fully entrust our lives and figures into His loving and all knowing hands. It is here, by the sea, I understand how powerful God is and He reminds me to fight my battles in prayer! Here by the rushing waves, I feel waves of healing wash over my broken spirit. Sand in my toes, I feel firmly planted in God’s assurance and in His holy water.
It is here, I follow Christ’s example to take a boat to the other side of the Galilee to renew, refresh, regroup, and heal. I choose to flee from spiritual evilness and those who look on the outside like Christ, but their souls are far from Godly surrender. These are the Pharisees who act in such horror, selfishness, and outright evilness. The only people Jesus outright rebuked in scripture are the Pharisees. This is where I’m reminded that the rebuking of the Pharisees didn’t end in the scriptures. It still happens today! Pharisees and evil will be outright rebuked in due time. Evilness never prevails! The love of Christ prevails and looking at the Mighty ocean, I’m reminded that we have victory through the blood of Christ.
Standing on the shore, intermittent water, acting as a reminder of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and love, I trust Him! I cling to Him! I rest in His perfect plan!
I keep sitting down to write out something to minister to the hearts of others and I just can’t! This Christian counselor who absolutely loves to write, hasn’t been able to write for months. When I sit down to try, nothing comes out! It feels empty and hallow in the face of this tragedy! I keep praying for peace, for comfort, for greater understanding. It’s just not coming to me! It feels like I’m in survival mode and that’s precisely the case. It’s survival mode… Wake up and force yourself out of bed! It’s easier to stay asleep! Even my morning coffee doesn’t bring me joy like it used to. It takes intentional effort to be present for my children, my spouse, my house, and my job. I pray for strength and wisdom to make it through the day! Most days it works, others it hasn’t! I keep telling myself it will get easier, it does for a bit, but then I get knocked down again. It’s so much easier to get knocked down these days, by fears of the future and by my own self-doubts about my ability to face the Goliath in front of me.
Most of the time I get knocked down by the people who call themselves believers, God-followers, and even pastors (shepherds of God’s flock). This is the worse kind of evil, pastors who abuse. Those who calls themselves Shephards, but in actuality are ravenous wolves.
Sometimes, I get knocked down by someone’s ignorance or worse their ~ silence. Silence I’ve learned is a very real and extremely loud way of saying “I don’t care about your pain, your struggle, your broken heart, or the fact that your life has been turned upside down. I only care about my comfort, my peace, and my ability to continue living the life I please, the way I like it. I only care about my comfort! This hurts to the core of my already broken and shattered heart. Sadly, some of these people I looked up to, I called friends, and now I’ve seen their true colors! My heart aches in the face of this unwelcomed reality. These people who we shared our hearts with, our lives with. In light of our biggest life’s trial, they’ve seemingly disappeared into thin air, as if they never really existed! This is hard to wrap my head around!
I also get knocked down by someone’s “I’m sorry, I’ll miss you!” Like, that’s it, “So long, nice knowing you!” It’s all a reality of how inauthentic the relationships were and a reminder that they were never ~ real. This hurts deeply! So very deeply! The people we thought loved God, us, and God’s children whole-heartedly flaked at the most important and vital moment. These “so-called” friends vanished in the face of our greatest trials! This heavy dose of reality received in the midst of such a tragedy is the absolute worse part of the trial! That and the outright denial of what they know is absolute truth! Denial is like looking at someone who’s bleeding to death and saying “All we know is that you are allegedly bleeding to death. We don’t actually have proof!” No help, no support, no compassion, no life-saving measures, no calling 911, just walks away and denies the reality that you are in fact bleeding to death! May sound silly, but I guarantee that’s what it feels like! Anyone who’s walked this path would attest to the feeling of you’re friends have left you to die, bleed, and hurt alone! {Ouch!} I pray no one has to know this level of hurt, yet sadly, for many this is their reality.
What is holding me up through this trial? What is holding up my family? God almighty is absolutely holding all of us up! His promises, His love, His word, His answers to the prayers from the deepest cries of my heart. Our strong family connection and the way we come together in the face of tragedy, that’s holding us up. On a tearful walk one evening my husband held my hand and said “It always comes back to the six of us!” So true! I feel so sorry for those who face such awful tragedies and don’t have a loving and supportive family.
God is holding us up by the friends who are choosing to stand with us in the trial! Who pray for us multiple times a day! Support and encourage us and who answer the phone when I’m bawling and frightened by the sheer overwhelmingness of the trials we’re walking through. Thank you! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! Your crowns await you in Heaven! God is holding us up by answering the prayer of my heart to send us to the right people! People who get our pain, who know the heartache is real and offer truth and comfort all at once! To our greatest supporters who leave long voicemails praying over us, cards of encouragement sent in the mail, signs to remind us that God is fighting our battle, scriptures sent every morning to point me to Jesus, supportive Facebook messages and texts lifting us up to the Father! Laughter is holding us up! When our family sits around talking or taking long drives and we just laugh hysterically ~ It is true, laughter is the best medicine! Friends sending funny texts and funny little videos that cause me to literally laugh out loud. Today a friend who was driving and upon hearing my broken-hearted tears pulled into a random person’s driveway in the middle of a mountain to pray with me, this cracked me up and immediately lifted the heaviness and weight off my weary shoulders. These are the very things God is using to hold us together through the trial!
WE ARE SO THANKFUL!
Music is holding me up when my heart no longer knows what to feel, when the Spirit intercedes on our behalf with moans and groans that the Father knows and understands! We are being held up in the midst of the trial! We are so very grateful! I am thankful for the warriors who’ve gone before and bravely faced Goliaths with God at their side, despite facing the same heart-wrenching circumstances we’ve endured! Even when it feels like we’re all alone, we’re never alone! God is always by our side!
To be honest, I don’t know what the end result is. I do know our lives will never be the same. Just like the Covid pandemic, we had to face the very real reality that normal wasn’t coming back. Our family now has to face this new reality in a new trial. Normal ain’t coming back for us, the only hope we have is for God to direct us into a new new normal, a new way of living! To know that ministries come out of our greatest heartbreaks! To trust that our pain is never in vain! God counts every tear that falls from our eyes! God promises to give back abundantly more than what was taken from us! I trust in God’s promises!
“The Lord is near the weary and broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit!”
Friends, if you’re walking through or have walked through an insurmountable trial ~ I’m so very sorry! I know it feels like you’re heart will never beat normally again and it feels like joy is so far away! Hang in there! Joy comes in the morning! Believe in God’s promises! It’s normal to have a crisis of faith in the face of such a tragedy, I have and I’m a Christian counselor. This is all Satan’s strategy to keep us from God when we desperately need Him most! Don’t fall for this evil scheme from the Father of lies!
In closing, I’m reminded of someone I admire greatly who was a victim of sexual abuse at the hands of Larry Nasser, famous doctor for the United States gymnastics. Rachel Denhollandar has to be one of the bravest people and her heart for justice and God’s goodness is absolutely awe-inspiring.
I’ll leave you with a few of her quotes that have encouraged me.
“If I have no God, I have nothing!” Racheal Denhollandar
Friends, in the face of such a trial is not the time to turn away from God. This will overtake you and leave you completely hopeless! Stay focused on God! He’s with you and his heart aches because you’re heart has been shattered!
“I struggled to separate the way I felt about God from the evil Larry had committed. Had God abandoned me? He had not, it dawned on me as I wrote. I couldn’t deny the goodness in the world, the strength and purpose of God’s love. With the help of my faith and my family, I was able to grow. The passion and drive I’d once put into gymnastics, I poured into law, debate and public policy. I put those journal pages away in a folder and moved on. I graduated law school, passed the bar and met Jacob.” Rachel Denhollandar
There is hope in our pain! There is beauty in our world! There is goodness in people! There is a God who is in control and hates to see His children hurt!
Friends, There is life, there is joy, and there is hope after this trial! Don’t give up! Stay close to God!
