The Flame Within

 

 

I have a limp.

It’s not an obvious limp.

You can’t see it when I walk.

Honestly, it took me 36 years to see it.

I never saw it, I never recognized it, but all my life I’ve felt it.

Deep in my heart, I’VE FELT IT.

In the face of tempermental and controlling people, in the midst of conflict, or possible rejection.

I’ve felt it.  

The limp has become a part of me.

Not sure I could recognize myself without it.

I thought “everyone” lived with this painful limp, I thought it was “normal.

I thought this “fight or flight” response was normal.

I’ve ALWAYS thought this panic, this inner turmoil, this sudden tensing of every muscle in my body, this inability to catch a breath, this squeezing… suffocating tightening of my heart, the sudden POUNDING and BEATING of my heart, this full body physiological response to certain people and conflict was a “normal” part of everyone’s life.

Apparently, this is not “normal”.

Apparently, this is a result of years of childhood abuse.

God revealed my “limp” to me this past week.

Recognizing the limp, realizing that my suppression techniques all these years in fact “never” healed my childhood pain.

Realizing the skill set of “suppressing my childhood abuse” only left me with a limp.

A limp I’ve successfully hid for 36 years.

I can no longer hide this limp.

I must confront the limp, these years of suppressed pain.

I ask you,

“Can you love me with “My Little Girl Limp”?

 

As I face this pain from childhood abuse?

Can you encourage me?

Can you support me?

Can you walk with me?

Can you pray with me?

Can you “just” love me?

 

You know what I realized this week?

 

I’m not the only one with this painful “limp”.

There are countless others in our midst, walking with their own agonizing limp.

Can we love people right where their at?

Can we be Christ to the hurting?

 

Can we “just” love?

2 John 1:6 “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands.  As you have heard from the beginning, His command is that we walk in love.”

1 John 4:21 “And He has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their Christian brothers and sisters.”

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Mathew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give your rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

I ask again…

“Can we “JUST” love?”

Blessings, Crystal