The Flame Within

I’ve been thinking about an encounter I endured recently with an overbearing and difficult person.

Let me share…

Recently, I was forced to come face to face with an overbearing individual!  This individual was bitter, bossy, easily offended, and downright aggressive!

I was intimidated by this person, actually I was AFRAID of this person!

You know what?  In all honesty… I was frustrated… angry… and HIGHLY intimidated by this person.

However, as I began “PRAYING”.  (I prayed for this difficult child of God’s.  After all He created and knows this person completely)

God revealed to me…  the condition of this individual’s heart.

This person was insecure…  The epitome of insecurity was this person’s inside.  The exterior toughness… hardness… bitterness…,  this persons “GUARD” was all a mask to protect a deep rooted insecurity within their soul.  The rough exterior was simply one big {defense mechanism}…  A huge barrier… This person’s most successful attempt at protecting their heart from further danger… pain… and rejection.

You know what?

Suddenly… this person became less frightening to me!  As I prayed for this person who had hurt me…  God revealed the true condition of their heart.  A broken… hurting… needy soul desperately needing love… yet pushing {everything} {everyone}, and even {God} away.  All in a fleeting attempt to ensure their heart {never} again is broken.

As God revealed this person’s heart condition to me…  I began to think about other people’s heart conditions… their covers… their guards… their defense mechanisms.  I began to think of my own attempts at protecting my heart;  my barriers… my guard…  my wall… my own insecurities.

{Trust} me friends…  My protective wall used to be sooooooo big!  Through an intimate relationship with the creator of my heart… God himself has been working to bring down my battle wall.

Several months ago…  In an intense therapy session.  My damn broke… My eyes spilled tears in an enormous amounts.  I couldn’t stop sobbing…  I couldn’t toughen myself up.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

All I could do was pray!

Several days later, while recovering from my “emotional outburst”,  I sat in the Sunday School classroom at my church feeling vulnerable… truly feeling naked {although I was fully clothed} and praying, “God, what is going on inside of me?  Why do I feel so vulnerable?  Why is everything making me cry?”  Right there in the middle of the Sunday School class… God spoke clearly into my heart.  “Crystal, It’s your “wall”, It’s gone!”  I jumped up out of my chair, walked to the bathroom and spoke to the Father right there.  “What do you mean?  {My wall – it’s… it’s… it’s… what… Gone?}  Ummm… Excuse me God.. I’m pretty sure I need that wall!  I can’t live without my wall!  It’s protected me from years of abuse… rejection… pain.”  Once again, God whispered into my heart… “Crystal, you don’t need that wall any longer… { I AM YOUR WALL }!!!!  After catching my breath and attempting to make sense of this profound message from the Lord, I sat down on the chair in the corner of the ladies restroom…  I looked up into the Heavens and spoke to God from the pit of my heart… “Are you sure I am ready for this?  Okay…  I trust you!  I will try this…  I will allow you to protect my heart!  After all, you’ve proven faithful, loving, comforting, and always near to my side!”

Friends…  This is a true story!

You know what I’ve realized?

God is the BEST and most protective wall!  

He’s the most effective defense mechanism!  

You know that person who intimidated me?  You know that person who frightened me?  You know the one I spoke of in the first part of this blog?

You know what that person directly said to me?

That person looked straight into my eyes and said… “I see your inner Lion!”

Friends…  That inner Lion is God… Christ living within my heart!  He’s protecting me… Healing me… Comforting me… And He’s promised to {Never Leave My Side}!

I ask you today?

What protective wall are you carrying around with you?  Is your outer exterior scaring people away from you?  Are you desperately trying to protect your heart from further pain… rejection… turmoil… and in the process pushing people away from you?

Are you weary from carrying that heavy wall everywhere you go?

Is God…  your protective wall?

Is He…

“Your most effective defense mechanism”?

Ephesians 6:11-13

Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

Psalm 27:1-3

The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

Dear Lord,  I thank you for your awesome and amazing ways!  I praise you for the way you are working in my broken, battered, and fearful heart!  I thank you for the healing you have lead me through and I thank you for the healing you will continue to lead me through.  Father, I know as I endure Earth’s hardships, you will be by my side.  You are always with me…  I feel your presence so real in my life!  In my tears…  I feel you there wiping away my every tear!  In my pain, I feel you there holding me!  In my joy, I feel you there cheering alongside me!  Father, you are so {very} real to me!  You Lord, are the {realest} part of my life!  I will continue following you.  I will continue seeking you!  I will continue stepping out in this healing process, even when it seems unbearable to do so.  I will continue following you.  You have shown me that your ways are the path to living a victorious Earthly life and the avenue for Eternal life… where I will live in peace and harmony with you {forever}!    I Love You!  Your Daughter, Crystal