What’s The Cause of My Loneliness?



ImageThis is the sweetest little picture of my friend Marilyn’s little girl — Her name is Sophie…


Seriously, Today’s post is about “BEING REAL”!

Everyday there is a part of me that feels lonely.  Admittedly some days are much worse than others, but being lonely is a part of my life.  Honestly, I don’t admit this part of my life to many people, except for my amazing “Christian Counselor”, my husband, and to God! Why, because I have this idea that my loneliness is a sign of weakness.  Westerners are taught to be strong and courageous, to never admit weakness.   Looking around, it seems everyone else has no clue what loneliness feels like:  Seriously, at times I feel like I am the only person in this world, who [ever} feels lonely.  This ongoing feeling of mine makes me feel guilty, as if my feelings of loneliness are some kind of sin, and because I feel lonely, I am not thankful for the gifts God has granted me.  Trust me, {I know} I am truly blessed!  I have the {most amazing} God, husband, four of the sweetest children in the world, and some of the most amazing friends.  What do I have to be lonely about?  Trust me, I beat myself up {all the time} over my feelings loneliness, therefore I don’t need others to beating me up more.  Honestly, this is the very reason I don’t tell many people about my loneliness, because I am not sure I could handle the heartless rebuttals from well intentioned people.

I ask you today?  Are you lonely?  {Honestly} do you have feelings of loneliness residing in your soul?  I admit it…  I feel lonely often. Although the reasons are not vividly clear, I have some ideas as to why we {I} feel lonely:

1. Maybe we’re focusing too much on pleasing people, rather than focusing our efforts on pleasing God.

One thing I am learning in my life is to be a God-pleaser rather than a people-pleaser!  I have always been a people-pleaser:  In my life I have focused so much of my energy on pleasing people, rather than simply pleasing God.  Really, if God is pleased with me, shouldn’t that please others?  Pleasing God will not {always} please others;  Actually I feel pleasing God often displeases many people, because the act of pleasing God is naturally convicting to others.  And people are truly impossible to please;  However, God is truly pleased with our efforts to worship, praise, and serve Him!   Attempting to please people will {always} leave us discontent and lonely!  People are IMPOSSIBLE to please, but God is pleased with our efforts to follow, worship, and love Him!

Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”


2.  Maybe we’re lonely because we intentionally face life alone.

Maybe we are afraid of getting close to people, due to our fear of being rejected, hurt, or simply because maintaining relationships are hard work.  God {never} intended for us to face life alone.  He knew we needed fellowship with other believers.  The very beginning of God’s creation of Adam, he immediately noticed his loneliness…

Genesis 31:6 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”


4.  Maybe we’re lonely because we’re self-centered.

It’s true, living for ourselves, will leave us feeling empty!  Struggling to give of yourself, your time, money, and resources will leave you feeling {depressed}.  God created us to be hospitable, to show the fruits of the spirit to those in our life.  God intended for us to have giving hearts!  There is some deep-rooted joy found in giving of ourselves, our time, and our money.  We hold so tightly to what is ours- rather than trusting God to provide for us and our needs.  In the end, we end up lonely, bitter, and friendless.

Hebrews 13:16 “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God”

Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Proverbs 22:9 “Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.”

5.   Maybe we are lonely because we keep trying to fill the yearning in our hearts with other things {bigger homes, accolades, education, nice clothes, skinner bodies, etc…}.

The things of the world will {never} fill our deepest yearnings {NEVER}!  I have learned the more I try to fill the yearnings of my soul with things of the world, the more lonely I feel.  Only God can fill the deepest yearnings of our hearts.

John 4:14 “but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  [Only God can give us life giving water, the water that truly quenches our thirsty spirits.]

Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

[The love of money ; {of worldly things} leaves us discontent with what God has blessed us with.  This one is convicting to me;  I need to focus on being content with the gifts God has givien me.  The love of money; {materialism} continues to leave me wanting more and more stuff; but while credit card debt increases – Contentment decreases!]


6. Maybe {we’re} allowing things of the world to separate us from the love of Christ.

Notice I didn’t say Christ separates us from Himself;  We intentionally separate ourselves from Him!  How?  We focus on worldly things, forget to cast our burdens on the Lord, allow ourselves to dwell in anxiety rather than {truly} carrying our cares to the foot of the cross, and we attempt to control our own lives, rather than allowing God to guide our steps.

Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Mathew 11:28-29 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”


7.  Maybe {much} of our loneliness lies in our hormones.

It’s true people!  Hormones are powerful!  Ladies, we need to realize that our hormones, although invisible, are a BIG source of our emotions.  It is vital that we recognize our personal mood swings, as much as possible!  When we recognize our monthly mood swings, we are better equipped to handle the strong waves of emotions that come upon us.


8.  Maybe our loneliness stems from a pattern of negative self-thinking.

It’s true!  Within our hearts and minds we talk to ourselves – Some of us talk to ourselves outwardly {which is another issue, for another day}!  Throughout our lives our self-talk has been formed and continues to follow us all the days of our lives.  Our self-talk has been being developed since birth.  The things we heard growing up, the nasty bullying on the playground, television, radio, everything around us affects the way we communicate with ourselves.  However, self-talk can be modified, trained, and encouraging!  It takes effort on our parts to take the necessary steps to positively build our self-talk!  Memorizing God’s word is the {BEST} way to retrain our negative thinking…  Memorizing how God thinks and feels about us, will greatly build our personal self talk.


9.  Maybe we are lonely because God put within us a deep-rooted need to {need} Him!

I believe this is the main reason for my continual underline feeling of loneliness…  Although I struggle with the worldly causes of loneliness, I believe that God created us to {need} Him so intimately, that anything other than His complete love, will leave us empty and continually lonely.  He created us to {need} Him!  The answers to my loneliness is to seek God, read the Bible, and sing praise music…  Other efforts {ultimately} leave me feeling more and more lonely!

Psalm 38:9 “O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.”

Psalm 62:8 “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

Psalm 145:18 “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”


10.  Finally, I am pretty sure we will all experience some level of Heavenly-Loneliness all the days we have on Earth.

God doesn’t want us to ever be 100% content with our present world.  We are called to desire, to crave, to long for our Heavenly home.  All believers in God will have an underline and continual yearning on Earth for our Eternal home in Heaven with God.  He created us for intimate relationship with Him and ultimately to be with us {forever} in Heaven.

2 Corinthians 5:2 “We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.”

Romans 8:18 “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us.”


Today, I am searching my heart for the {real} cause of my loneliness…  What about you…  What is the {real} cause of your loneliness?

And just maybe; I need to be {content} with Heavenly-Loneliness!  Allowing this loneliness to draw me closer to God.  God is using this loneliness is to call me to Himself, so I guess I should seek Him, obey Him, and focus on intimately {GETTING-TO-KNOW} my Heavenly Father!

I close with Jeremy Camp’s “There Will Be A Day”…

Friends take some time to pray about the root of your lonely feelings today…  Take some time to pray and {really} get to KNOW the Father!

Blessings, Crystal


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