Today’s societal norms regarding life, love, and marriage have forced me to ponder, “When is the {right} time to get married, When is the {right} time to have a baby?” Today the world tells us we have to have all our T’s crossed and our I’s dotted before we can consider marriage or having a child. We should be a size 2 and wear all name brands. The world says we have to have graduated college, we have to own a home, and drive a new car. I have seen family’s in uproars over these issues. I especially find it interesting when such {issues} arise within Christian homes. The world tells us that we should only have one or two children. I have four children and I get those “holy smokes” looks quite often, sometimes people say, “Are they all yours?” And I reply, “Yep, and I love it!” Who made up these rules?

What do you think?

Christian’s would you agree with me that our focus has gotten off track… I think we often focus more on what society tells us we {should} do and less on what God is telling us we {should} do.

In an ideal world, society’s rules make sense. Quite possibly they are goals we should aim toward. However, the God I know and read about in the Bible doesn’t give a {hoot} about societal norms. For example… Noah building an ark. Say what? How {normal} is that? I’m sure all that wood was hard to come by and who knows how many animals he went into {debt} for to acquire all the wood he needed to build. I’m certain he had to quit his day job to find time to build {the boat that saved the world}.

Don’t misunderstand me… I think it is {wise} to be smart when making decisions. We shouldn’t just run out and get married the day after we meet someone {unless} we absolutely know that’s what God is calling us to do. We shouldn’t take out loans we’ll {never} be able to pay back, just so that we can have the world’s largest home or hottest sports car. We should take our time when making big decisions.

What point am I trying to make?

{Christian’s} we need to {stop} focusing solely on society’s norms, and begin consulting with the {maker of society}!

Guess what? God made each and everyone of us and He speaks directly to our hearts.

{Maybe}… Just {maybe} we should put down our defenses and the world’s rules… And get into the word… And truly ask God to speak to our hearts about His will for our lives, our children’s life’s, and His will for our family’s.

Folks… If I spent my life focusing on {society’s} norms… I would have missed out on so many blessings. If I would have listened to every well intentioned person’s advice, I wouldn’t have gotten married at 22… I wouldn’t have {any} of my children {and my children are the greatest [four] things I’ve ever accomplished}, my husband wouldn’t have gone back to school to become a successful business professor, and I wouldn’t be following God’s will in becoming a counselor. Had I missed out on all these blessings… Guess what? I might be debt free… With lots of money in the bank… But guess what? I would be completely unhappy… lonely… and out of obedience to God.

Are societal norms more important than {seeking} God’s will for our lives?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. Maintaining relationships is tough. If we really stop and think about it, our closest relationships maintain the potential to hurt us the most. I have seen too many relationships destroyed due to hurt feelings. One friend say’s one thing, and someone say’s another, we speak without thinking, we retaliate in anger, and before we know it, we have a broken relationship. Recently, I faced an issue where someone said something that hurt my feelings. I tend to over analyze everything and continually relive social interactions inside my mind. I have realized, usually when someone hurts my feelings, the “offender” has no clue that my feeling were hurt.

Friends, I can honestly say, there isn’t a single close family member or friend, who hasn’t hurt my feelings at some point in time. I can honestly say, there isn’t a single close family member or friend whom I haven’t hurt at one time or another.

What about you?

Relationships are tough… And all healthy relationships experience ups and downs.

Can you recall the feeling, that overwhelming “ouch”, your heart feels the moment those hurtful words slash through your chest? The quickening of your heart as you try to make since of the words or action in question. The way your body suddenly tightens up… and your heart feels like it hit the floor? It’s a terrible feeling!

How can I (we) handle our hurt feelings? As for me I have learned, to just get away. To close the door… walk away… and attempt to get my emotions under control. I have learned escaping the situation allows me time to get my emotions under control. I spend time in prayer, bear my feelings to God, and seek His guidance in dealing with the situation.

Proverbs 20:3: Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.

1. We should do our best to avoid a fight, and try to resist a quarrel.

Trust me, I am learning that retaliating in anger or harsh words {never} has good results. After the hurtful word escape our mouths and the relationship damaged we are left with extreme guilt and sadness. We make things worse by quarreling… Trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way!

2. Occasionally there are times when we can admit the hurt right away and calmly discuss the situation. However, if you are angry or your emotions are raging… it’s probably best to move to #3.

3. Gently walk away… close the door… say good bye and deal with your emotions before retaliating or saying words you may regret.

Trust me friends, I have dealt with many “conflicts” in an improper manner, and later had to face the consequences for my behavior.

3. Evaluate your emotions and your heart. Are you being too sensitive?

At times we are overly sensitive. We need to allow ourselves time to pray and pull together our feelings, we may realize that it was nothing, and that we were being too sensitive. We need to allow people to be human; I am relieved when people allow me to be human. Christ forgives us over and over and we crucified him. Is it possible to extend a little of that grace to our family, friends, church members, acquaintances, and those we come in contact with? After all, we too hurt feelings, it’s all part of our humanness.

4. Be vulnerable.

After you’ve prayed, analyzed your emotions, and realized you weren’t being overly sensitive. Talk with the offender. We should never approach someone in anger… never without bathing the matter in prayer… and never pointing a finger. Rather, in gentleness and self-control discuss the matter. Use “I” statements rather than “you”statements. “You” statements immediately put the “offenders” defenses up. For example… “I felt…. when you…..” It’s really quite simple after we put aside our self and focus on the desired outcome and building harmony.

5. Decide a course of action for a discussion gone awry.

At times, even our best efforts, end in the offender becoming angry… bitter… or retaliating. Have a plan B… And decide ahead to handle the situation in prayer, and peacefulness. Once again… gently walk away… close the door… say goodbye… and deal with your emotions in private and before God.

6. I’ve never retaliated in anger, and received positive results. It’s true! Usually the relationship ends broken, and the hurt much deeper than before.

Friends, words hurt. We must think before we speak!

We must realize that there will be times when our feelings get hurt. Especially in the relationships we hold dearest to us. People are people… we are all human… and we’re “ALL” going to say dumb and hurtful things. We must extend grace and learn how to deal with conflict. Conflict is an inevitable part of life!

How To Handle Conflict…

1. Pray
If the other party is willing, pray together.

2. Take responsibility.
If you hurt someone with your words, take responsibility. Admitting you were wrong is tough, but necessary if we are to build and maintain healthy relationships.

3. Give a little grace.
After all, we would want other’s to do the same for us.

4. Don’t be so sensitive.
Allow people to be people, and think about how much we hurt God, and he still forgives us.

5 Forgive.
Forgiveness is the MOST important concept in ALL relationships. Forgive and “NEVER” hold grudges. Bitterness is painful and wreaks havoc on our spiritual and physical selves.

6. Trust.
Trust God. He’s an awesome and loving God. He has the ability to work in your heart and the hearts of all people. We must be open to His guidance.

Friends, I’m writing more to myself than you. Today I needed a reminder of how to deal with my emotions in regard to my hurt feelings. It’s important to remind ourselves how to handle hurt feelings and conflict. I have come to understand, that we all share many of the same struggles, and I thoughts “just maybe” you struggle with hurt feelings and conflict… just like me.

Blessings, Crystal

As a student pursuing a Master’s degree in counseling, I have come across information which has thrown me back into my past. My past is not a comfortable place and my motto is “my past is my past… it’s better off left in the {past}”. As a counseling student I’ve come to understand the importance of thoroughly dealing with my painful history. I recall a recent Christian counseling experience, where I spent an hour retelling my story. I left the office in tears and feeling defeated. Despite, these initial temporary negative emotions I continued to attend counseling services. The next week God prepared my heart for miraculous understanding and healing. Soon I began to experience freedom in God’s love. I realized, despite my ability to function effectively in life as a woman in the church, a wife, a mother, and a friend, many of my struggles were evolving from deep rooted past experiences.

{Why am I writing this?}

Unfortunately, I feel many of us have painful life stories. Many of us attend church, put a big smile on our faces, and pretend we’ve got everything under control.
{What have I learned?}

There is {no} healing in pretending!

We attend church, get involved in every activity under the sun, and keep ourselves constantly on the go and entertained… all in effort to avoid our inner struggles. I am pursuing a degree in counseling, not because I think I have arrived or that I’ve got it all figured out. I am pursuing a degree in counseling because I realize that this world, our homes, and our churches are filled with God’s {imperfect} and {hurting} people. I am pursuing a degree in counseling to develop skills to come alongside God’s people and offer a safe place for my brother’s and sister’s to grow… to pray… to confess their frailties and insecurities from one who has suffered the {pit} myself.

Friends, I am by far the picture of {perfection}. I need Christ every moment to face the constant spiritual battle attempting to gain victory over my soul. My soul has been won through the price Christ paid at the cross. I need Christ’s love to face each day… to achieve God’s continual peace… and find complete and ultimate healing. One day I will face Christ at the pearly gates and I yearn to hear him say, “Welcome home! Well done my faithful servant!”

I can’t remain a faithful servant on my own. I need thee every hour! I need thee everyday! I need thee in my darkness! I need thee when my strength is depleted! I need thee to face this life… victoriously! That’s why I am pursuing a degree in counseling!

{We ALL need Him, in every aspect of our lives!}

I proclaim to the world the healing God has performed in my heart! He’s all that, and I am just a vessel, A {measly} vessel he has so graciously called to be the hand’s and feet of Jesus.

Friends, please pray as I continue to pursue this degree… Pray that I will remain steadfast and focused on God… Pray that I will be open to the Holy Spirit!

Our home is surrounded with landscaping.  I didn’t create the landscaping, it was an added benefit to buying the house (or so I thought).  The spring after moving, the weeds began popping up EVERYWHERE.  Two springs later, entropy began to conquer our previously beautiful landscaping.  Let me tell you… I’M NOT ONE WITH THE EARTH AND I’M NOT A “GRANOLA EATER” TYPE PERSON, IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.  I scream at the sight of bugs…  And worms… Oh, my!!!  I am a Martha at heart (on the inside of the house), but weed pulling (gross… not me).  Yesterday, my husband pulled in the driveway, coming home from work.  He stepped out of his jeep as I’m stressing about the weeds taking up residence in our landscaping.  I’m sweating, dirt ridden, and fully grumpy.  He walked up to me a smile beaming across his face.  He says, “Do you know how blessed we are?”  Ugh… I don’t know about you, but when I am feeling {fully grumpy}, the last thing I want is someone telling me how blessed I am.  He continues, “We have a beautiful home, four wonderful children, a happy marriage, I have my dream job, you are a graduate student, and we live in a beautiful neighborhood.   We have so much to thank God for!”  {Grumpiness replaced with guilt.}  I return his hug and look up at him and say… “Funny, how our blessings can be so stressful!”  

We continued to work on the yard, as I’m thinking… “We really need to hire a landscaper!” {not thinking, but stating out loud to my husband}.  We completed the front yard, the finished product was beautiful and wonderfully rewarding.  We ate dinner as a family and put the kids to bed late (because we were having tremendous fun),  After putting the kids to bed, my husband (Robert) and I walked around the house after a fresh spring rain, we observed our home and felt entirely blessed with God’s goodness. 

Question…. Are your blessings’ stressing you out? 

I’ve been pondering this question all day.  My husband is my best friend, my lover, and soul mate, but at times he stresses me out {hate to break this to you honey!}.  My children are wonderful, funny, cute, adorable, but at times being a mother wears me out.  I’m living in my dream home but the weeds continue to grow, the sinks continue to clog up, the insects still find a way to get in, and the struggles of home ownership persist.  

I have come to the conclusion that all blessings are stressful at times.  Except for one… {God}… God has {NEVER} stressed me out.  I need God… {We all need God}!

If I keep my eyes on God, I will appreciate the blessings in my life, and {guess what}…  The consequence?  A much happier life for me, my husband, my children, and everyone I come in contact with.  God’s love in contagious… infectious!!!  

Friends, let’s focus on the {Giver} of our blessings!  Let’s praise God for the blessings in our life and {maybe} infect the world with His love!!!

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:12

Today was another day abounding in blissful blessings. A day when it was {good to be alive}! Everything was perfect. I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my little ones. We spent the morning cuddling in bed, headed to the park to meet up with some friends, ate Subway for lunch, enjoyed a nice long afternoon nap and {cuddle with Danny Panda (my five year old boy who {loves} to cuddle), went to the older boys’ school carnival, evening outing to the park, and came home and ate ice cream on the picnic table outside. This is simple run down of our {amazing} day! Driving home from the park I looked in the rear view mirror and saw {pure joy}. I soaked up the {joy} of the moment, and attempted to store the precious moment into my long term memory. Joy beaming from my little ones’ tired little faces. {JOY}!!!

I can’t recall how many times people out in public have asked me, “Are they all yours?” I kindly respond, “Yep, all four… And I love it!” {Most of the time}

“Every good and perfect gift comes from above.” James 1:17

Blessings,

Crystal